Fifty Shades of Abortion
by scarletnights16
Summary: After finding out Ana is carrying his child, Christian had pushed her into getting an abortion, taking her to a secret abortion center with Dr. Green. Ana suffers from depression, excessive alcohol use, and drugs, punishing herself and blaming herself for the death of little Blip. When Christian comes in to rescue, she was too broken for him to fix. Will they ever be happy again?
1. Chapter 1

_**Enjoy! Please don't forget to review, it keeps me motivated.**_

Christian tried to hold my hand as we finally came out of the suffocating abortion center; the place where I had killed little Blip.

"Ana…" He called my name. His voice was soft, unlike yesterday when he had countlessly shouted, abused, and tormented me until I crashed under him and killed this baby myself. I didn't want it to be born with this type of father; a father who hates his child. "Baby please talked to me…" He begged, his voice cracking making my throat ache and tighten with suppressed anger.

I limped my way out, my mind trying to wrap around the fact that the doctor had removed my child, piece by piece. This little person inside me no longer existed. Holding the crinkling bag of medication in my hand and my abdomen with the other, trying to relief some pain on my bottom, Christian once again tried to wrap his hands around me to help me but I shrugged him away, not wanting his disgusting touch on me.

Taylor came forward, his eyes full of concern as he met my moist ones. He nodded at me, telling me to stay strong as he took me in his arms and opened the door to the backseat. I thanked him with a watery smile. Beside me Christian sighed in relief. I couldn't believe I had married this man, knowing how fucked up he was. But eventually I accepted him…all of him.

'_Until now…'_

Christian raised the privacy divider up, shutting Taylor out and turning his attention to me.

"How do you feel?" He asked softly.

How do I feel? He dared to ask that question. I gave him the dirtiest look I can give him and averted my attention to the busy streets of Seattle, booming with business and people minding their own business. My blood was boiling.

"Ana…you can't shut me out. I know losing this child is upsetting but we're not ready to have this child yet. You can't just throw shit like that at me because you were irresponsible for getting your shots at the right time."

'_The shots didn't work, Christian!'_

I wanted to scream, pounce, and slap the life out of him. I wanted him to feel the same pain I felt when I laid on the hospital bed where I had woken up and felt my stomach fall flat against the muscles that stopped stretching. I had killed my baby.

Christian placed his hand on my thigh and I immediately slapped it away. He looked hurt.

"Don't fucking touch me…" I whispered, my voice shaking; seething with built-up anger.

"Ana!" Christian cried, tears falling onto the back of my hand. "Please don't do this to me! I love you, Anastasia Grey. I do! Why can't you forgive me!?" He shouted shaking me with both of his hands on my shoulders. My eyes stayed on the road before looking into his gray ones.

"Do you want to know why, Christian?" My voice was barely a whisper, but the affect it had on him was one I had never seen before. His mouth of hung open, inhaling and exhaling deeply, his eyes were widened in shock and terror. I continued. "What made me hate you wasn't the fact that you were so fucking calm after this, but the fact that you were so willing to kill a part of me, a part of yourself, without any hesitation. You're so fucking repulsive it's scary."

I swallowed my tears and slid the divider down, catching Taylor's attention.

"Stop the car, please." I demanded and he nodded, pulling off to the side.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Christian asked me, holding onto my wrist.

I pushed him back, his back hitting the other side of the car with a loud thud and I manage to escape him in just mere seconds, limping down the streets, through the traffic where I nearly gotten hit by a taxi. At this point, I couldn't care any less.

Christian was shouting at me from across but I turned myself away from the man I had once loved the most and walked through the alley, away from him for just a while.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Oh my, thank you so much for all these lovely reviews! I'm so happy to be writing this story. I'm very glad that all of you are enjoying the previous short chapter from before and I then decided to write a longer one. If anyone has any questions or demands regarding this story, you can PM me anytime. Sometimes I won't be able to update daily because of my school exams. All in all, thank you for recognizing my work and enjoy this chapter. Love you!**_

My drenched body stumbled into a small café a mile and a half away from Christian's apartment. My stomach cramped so badly I had no desire to continue my journey to nowhere. I ordered a nice and warm English tea and sat waiting, shivering from the coldness of Seattle. I should have grabbed my jacket from the car but at least I still managed to bring a small Chanel bag that I have most of my money in.

I leaned back on the red leather seat, choking back sobs as I think about little Blip that was no longer safe in my stomach. I had talked to this baby, promising it for a safe future a couple of hours before Christian had pulled me into that awful clinic. I took out the pills from the small paper bag and cringed as the big purple tablets stared back at me. I swallowed it as directed and sipped my tea.

I chugged down the drink until the last drop and left a generous tip for the waiter before taking off again; fearing Christian would find me and drag me back to hell. After another half a mile hike, I sat down on the bench beside a middle-aged man, who offered me a cigarette.

"No thank you sir, I don't smoke."

He shrugged, blowing the smoke into the air and crossing his legs. "Helps you relax at times like this. It's pretty nice to have a pack of cigarettes as a companion, waiting for you in your pocket."

I thought about what he said and agree to try one. He lit it up for me and I inhaled, the murky smell filling my lungs and I coughed violently like the time I had tried when I was in high school and Ray caught me red handed. I tried again once more and now, I was smoking as if I had done it my whole life. It did seem relaxing. I felt like along with exhaling the smoke, I was throwing away all my problems for just a while and focusing on just staying still and keeping my breathing even.

"That's it…you're doing it right." He chuckled, taking out another piece after he finished the one from before. Christian hated people who smoked. "I don't want to destroy your health, kid, but hey, you're going to have to blow off some steam in the only way possible."

I nodded, agreeing with him. The bus came forward and he stepped on, turning back to me and throwing me a lighter.

"Just in case you need one, kid."

I thanked him and dropped the lighter in my bag before taking a stroll. By the time, the dark sky started raining again; I finished my cigarette and threw it down on the floor, crushing it with the flat surface of my soles. I felt warmer now, and it's a welcoming feeling. Christian would never allow me to smoke. Either the fact that his crack whore mother's pimp had burned him or just some stupid health issues was enough to hate anyone who does it around him.

For the first time in my life, I met a couple interesting strangers. I used to be afraid of talking to people; afraid of meeting bad ones or the ones with troubling influences in which Christian had scolded me about. I walked in a nearby gas station and bought a bottle of scotch and a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. It's not like I need to watch my health anymore. I'm basically living in my hollowed up shell of a woman. Little Blip wouldn't mind anymore; he's now really just a cut-up, dead baby, the baby that I still love with all my heart. I've always had an image in my mind of a mini Christian Grey crawling to me and calling out for me, wailing softly.

I wiped my excess tears away from my face and proceeded to check out. There, on the T.V screen behind the employee showed my picture. I skimmed over the information, ready to kill Christian at any moment. He had just flaunted my picture to the whole world like a lost dog. He'll pay anyone a generous amount of money to report where I'm at. I was fucking pissed. I paid the cashier as he took the cash nervously from my hand. He knows.

"Keep the change…" I said and took the items before running out the door, turning back to watch the old Asian man as he reached over the phone and dialed the number shown on the T.V screen. I don't have much time left. The last thing I want today is to see Christian.

About a half hour later, I opened my bottle of alcohol and drank eagerly, thirsty and tired at how fast I was running. I could hear police sirens or whatever near me but now all I can see are blurred colors. I have no idea where I was at. I sipped the last drop of scotch and threw it down on the floor before I bolted out on the streets.

"Woah, gorgeous, take it easy." I hear a smooth voice behind me and an arm wrapped around my waist. I look back at him as his eyes widened. He stared at me intently, especially my lips that were parted.

"What do you want!?" I slurred and pushed him back. He had gray eyes, the same as Christian. My jaw tightened with hate. I stumbled onto his chest, my legs falling weak.

All I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep. I was too tired to move. I didn't care if I was in the ghetto parts of town or that I might end up getting killed by some psycho. I just wanted to rest. Little Blip was all I can think about. I want him back. I even want Christian back sometimes. I cried onto the stranger's chest and he wrapped both his arms around me before carrying me. I don't know where but all I want to do is forget about all this fucked up world with these fucked up people.

I wished I hadn't killed my child. I had lay down on that goddamn bed and cut up my son. I wanted to thrash and hide in a deserted island, with just my little baby. No more Christian Grey. He set me down on his nicely made bed and I moan in delight stretching my body. The handsome blonde haired stranger brought me a pink pill and a cup of water.

"Take these, gorgeous. I promise you'll feel better."

And at that point, I believed what he told me. I couldn't care any less what happens to me. I chugged down the water along with the pill and I was a goner. Blood swirled through my body rapidly and I felt like I was sinking in a nice warm bath. I can feel fingers on my chest and find him removing my blouse. All I did was stared as he run his hands up my chest and squeeze each of my breasts. It felt too good to be true. My mind was in complete haze. I couldn't make out what was happening, or what was going to happen. I just wanted to dream about little Blip.

_**Christian's POV**_

Taylor shot the lock with his pistol and kicked the door down, letting me run inside to search for Ana. I hear a man's voice along with a woman's strangled moan. It was Ana's voice. Panic surged through me as I run through the bedroom to see a blonde man, tangled in his bed sheets with Ana who was nearly half naked, her lace bra was being cut through by a pair of scissors but the wires beneath the cups were giving the asshole some trouble.

"What the fuck did you do to her!?" I yell at the bastard and threw a punch square in the jaw. He backed away to the corner and held his hands up defensively.

"N-n-nothing! I swear!" He begged. Fucking pathetic.

"Take care of him, Taylor."

He nodded and threw a kick square in the guts. Even I winced at the force. Taylor was also protective of Ana, and to see her in this state had affected both of us. He wasn't just angry at the rapist, he was also angry at me for causing this. I hurried over to my wife and shook her awake.

"Ana, baby. Get up…I'm here…" I cooed and her blue orbs peeked out beneath her lashes slowly. She looked so worn out it scared me. I examined her and found a long trail of white power down from the top of her stomach down to her belly button. That fucker has been using my wife's body to sniff methamphetamine.

I helped her up and placed my coat around her as she leaned in towards me, moaning softly.

"Christian…" She whispers. Yes baby, I'm here.

I can hear Taylor's voice behind me as he handcuffed the bastard. "I'm pretty sure he forced roofies down her throat. We need to get her to a hospital as soon as we can to make sure."

I winced. If that asshole got in her pants I wouldn't have hesitated to kill him. Now, I'm just glad to have her back in my arms. She moaned softly again and stirred, breathing heavy. I kiss her temple and closed my eyes knowing that I had made a mistake that I can never take back.


	3. Chapter 3

_**IMPORTANT! - Since I've been getting so many reviews on having Gideon Cross in my story, I want everyone to vote on their reviews for this chapter if you want it or not. At the end of your reviews, please write yes or no in capital letters so I can make my decision because I have so many scenes with Gideon and Christian's fight that I'm about to explode with enthusiasm (VOTE YES!). Thank you everyone for reviewing and for those of you who have given me this lovely chance to let my imagination run wild on such a powerful subject; it's amazing to be able to receive this response. Enjoy this chapter and as always, don't forget to review. Love you all! **_

_**Also, I will be writing a part of this chapter in third person since I find the setting and aura quite beautiful and tragic. **_

_**Narrator's POV **_

Christian tucked his frail, broken wife safely under the blankets, where he had made love to her countless times. It has been the worst day he had ever suffered since he was a toddler, kneeling on the floor suffering from cigarette burns. He runs his aching fingers over her temples and lips, his mouth parting at the fact that she had become his just a couple months ago. Till this day, Christian Grey still cannot believe to be able to receive the love he had wanted form this particular woman. He glanced at the wedding and engagement rings on her left hand that binded them together as husband and wife. It had always made him proud; especially when he had managed to make Anastasia Steele, the woman of his dreams, fall for him as much as he did for her. He touched the soft surface of the blanket over her abdomen and shook in shame and guilt.

All he wanted was to get rid of the child. It was his top priority until now, when Ana had nearly been raped. His eyes squeezed tightly together, wincing at the memory of her broken body lying on the dirty bed of a stranger's apartment. It was true that he loved her too much but when it comes to thinking back about his childhood, it was a place that even Ana could not touch. He did not want the child to suffer the same things he had. The last thing on earth he wanted to be was a father unloved by his family.

After finding the last button of his opened shirt, Christian removed it from his toned body and threw it in the laundry basket. His eyes burned with unshed tears as he run his heavy hand over the handsome features of his face. He paced back and forth, leaving the view of busy Seattle through the glass of the large window that filled the whole wall of his left side, shadowing his silhouette. The darkness enveloped him.

"No…no…no, this can't be happening to me….no…" He muttered over and over again, running his fingers through his hair and twitching. His breathing was heavy; erratic. His carved chest heaving up and down as a sheet of sweat broke down through his skin.

He heard Ana's pleading moan through her soft sobs. "Christian…"

He was immediately at her side, cupping her face in his hand and checking to see if she was in pain. She was, but it was something he could not help. He knew that she was dreaming about little Blip and it pained him to see her like this. He had caused this and the walls of consequences were closing on him. He had destroyed her dream to be a mother.

"Mama's here…" She whispered once again, her head turning to one side, tears spilling from the corner of her eyes. Christian wrapped his arms around her chest and cried onto his wife's beating heart. He held her still as she broke out in a cold sweat before calming down and breathed deeply, inhaling as if she had taken her first breath into the world.

"Please forgive me Ana…I beg of you…" He cried again and again, lying awake by her side and holding her until the golden sun came to punish him.

It was true, however, that he would have done anything for Ana, even grovel on his knees to the face of earth to all humanity. For this woman, he will do anything beyond death can imagine. He vowed it. But now Christian Grey had made the ultimate mistake and he was paying for it.

Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead and left the room, taking large gulps of air and moving towards the kitchen where he had placed her Chanel bag there. Curiously, Christian took out the pack of Marlboro cigarettes and stared at it before crushing it completely in his hand, forming a tight fist. He had destroyed her in mere hours. He threw it in the wastebasket and emptied out her bag, checking to see if anything harmful was there. He made a note to himself on buying her a new cellphone, since she had threw the one before in the street, letting it crush under the weight of heavy cars that travelled by.

"Do you need anything, sir?" Taylor came forward rather informally; his features relaxed but voice firm and upset.

Christian paused for a moment, just staring at the floor before looking at the employee he grew fond of over the years of working with him.

"Do I deserve to be with her, Taylor? Have I broken her so much that she's no longer recognizable? She hates me. She finds me repulsive."

Taylor stepped forward and leaned against the wall, both his arms and legs crossed.

"May I be frank with you?"

His boss nodded, readying himself from the painful speech that was coming towards him.

"Christian, she has accepted every single problem that came towards her; Ms. Leila pointing her with a gun, Jack Hyde's incident, Ms. Lincoln's threats and the dislike of millions of people around the globe who thinks she's nothing but a gold-digger. As a man with a daughter, I finally understood the love and responsibility to a child after Sophie was born. There's nothing like hearing your child's cry when he or she's first born. It's an amazing feeling Grey, and look what you did. You didn't even give a chance for her to explain herself or to convince yourself but had ME, her most trusted employee, call Dr. Green to have her perform an abortion just moments after she told you. Now think about it, if you were her, what would you think? When you find that the person that swore to protect and love you no matter what happens had no hesitation to destroy you, it's the worst type of betrayal you can ever feel. Today you fucked up badly as both a father and a husband. Even if that child is dead, you are still a father and she is still a mother who lost something that gave her a meaning in life; a dream. That does not erase the memories because once, that baby existed inside her. If you want Ms. Steele to forgive you, you better prepare for hell because this one hell of a battle for both of you. You," he pointed at Christian, "are the only person who can save her as well as kill her."

The CEO stared, wide-eyed as Taylor turned around walked away from him, slamming the door on his way out. Seeing Ana in this state killed him because he failed to protect her like a father. He couldn't be there for her to make a decision because it was not his place to do so.

Christian dug his fingers through his copper hair and pulled, feeling the scalp burn with tightness. When at last, he came upon a bottle of expensive wine; he flung it to a nearby wall, feeling the coil around his neck wrapping tighter and tighter, the word responsibility evidently written over his forehead in large, invisible letters.

_**Ana's POV**_

I opened my heavy lids to find myself safely sleeping in my husband's bed. I closed my eyes again, relishing the faint smell of cologne on the bed sheets. Christian was pacing back and forth across me, deep in thought. My insides churned with longing for a touch, but as the visions of his haunting words echoed in my ear, anger radiated off of me.

I shivered as our eyes met, gray to blue. He was breathing deeply, his mouth gaping wide open.

"You're awake?" He said and I wasn't sure whether it was a rhetorical question or a statement. I nodded once and uncovered myself from under the sheets.

He hurried over me as I didn't have the strength to function. My body felt numb but electrified as he touched me, his cold shaky hands on both my arms, helping me stand and limp to the bathroom. I politely asked him to wait outside the door as I did my business, brushing my teeth and doing all the morning routines rather slowly. My head felt heavy and I fell back after washing my face with a loud thud. From the benefits of having elephant ears, Christian nearly broke the door done as he came for my aid, helping me up and sit at the end of the bathtub.

"A-are you in pain?" He asked me, I shook my head unable to say anything. He examined my body and made sure that there were no bruises before continuing what he planned to do for me.

His brows furrowed in concern as he undressed me silently, readying me for a shower.

"I can do this myself…" I slap his hand away, my voice cold and heartless. My chest constricted and daggers stabbed my gut as he cried, leaning his head on my shoulder.

"Please, Ana, please let me help you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" He said and did the one thing I had never expected the almighty Christian Grey would do for a woman like me.

He groveled, and wrapped his arms around my waist like a sad little boy, upset after losing his favorite toy. Unable to fight, I run my fingers through his hair as an act of acceptance and nodded.

"Okay…Christian, okay."

His eyes ignited again and he carried me inside the large tub, removing his clothes until we both were completely bare to each other. From my internal injuries, I can no longer feel lust but just a dull numbness protecting me from further heartache.

"I love you, Ana. I love you so much."

I brought both bony knees to my chest and exhaled a shaky breath, only ushering the one sentence I knew how to. As I chanted, Christian washed my body from behind with his cold hands, his tears weighing down on my shoulders.

"_**I killed my child…I killed my child…I killed my child…"**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thank you for all your reviews my beloved fans. I understand a lot of people don't like his character but understand that THIS IS NOT A CHEATING STORY. I'm not going to have my other story, Fifty Shades of Fire, repeat all over again here. Because here, I plan on Ana looking up to Gideon as a role model who will infuriates Christian and then make him try even harder for her. So now for one last time, vote yes or no for Gideon. I'm sorry for asking again but this would really turn into a great story when Gideon is in here. As always, enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review.**_

_**This is a chapter I wrote to show each character's perspective before major events will come in. If Gideon Cross comes in the story, it will truly be awesome since he resembles Christian; almost like a mirror image. The next chapter will have Anastasia's character as the sexy, strong woman hiding behind a mask. It'll be a thrill to read but meanwhile, please enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry if I disappointed you all in any way. I love you all!**_

The last thing I wanted to do was go out. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw nothing but an empty, soulless person. It frightened me. I walked around Christian's office, the tips of my fingers sweeping over the polished wood of his large mahogany desk. Having to sit here every day and rule the world must have been why he's so in control of everything. That man carried the stress of the whole world on his shoulders. I wrap my arms around myself, reluctantly enjoying his fabric against my skin that he dressed me in after an emotional shower. I somehow needed that.

I placed my hand on the cold glass window, the view of Seattle taking my breath away. With my other hand I touched my abdomen. Little blip…he's up there somewhere. I want to be with him so badly it hurts. I want to cradle him in my arms, rock him gently, and kiss his soft cheeks. Right on cue, Christian walked in quietly, but I kept my gaze forward. If I look at him, I'm afraid my legs would give out. The electrifying attraction between us was till there and I felt my breath hitch. I was horrified with myself. I cannot forgive him this early, no; I will not forgive him for killing my baby.

"Ana…"

His voice was throaty, pained, and seductive. I can feel his hot breath down the nape of my neck as his arms wrapped around my chest, crossing into a large X in the front. My body betrayed me and my eyes roll back at the jolt of longing that passed through both of us. He rocked me from side to side and ran dug his fingers gently in my arm.

"I'm sorry for little Blip, Ana, I am. There will be a time when I want a child; I promise you that I'll take all the responsibility as a father. I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. But we did the right thing, baby, we did the-"

Anger brewed inside me like hot coffee. I struggled out of his grasp and turned around, my hand meeting his cheek before I even got to look at his eyes. Tears rolled down my cheek as his words stabbed me as if a million daggers flew straight at my heart.

He breathed out, taken back by my action. I have never once laid my hand on him in such a vulgar way.

"Don't you dare speak of my baby like that," I spat, my voice shaking with horror and rage. "I don't care about your fucking empty promises. You still killed my child! YOU KILLED HIM! While you stood by and watched, I felt him literally ripping out of me. And you dared to tell me that we did the right thing." I push Christian on the chest but he merely stumbled back a couple steps while I am in front of him, looking like a heap of mess.

"Anastasia, please…" he begged, his face twisted in realization at what he just said. I didn't even know he was capable of feeling guilty in his own twisted way. He seemed, oh-so-satisfied knowing that little Blip doesn't exist anymore. It all seemed to connect now. He is the CEO of Grey Enterprise. It's not like such a powerful man would appear in front of the world as a loving father instead of a cold, dominate man. Marrying him was too good to be true. I knew that compromising was difficult for him, for both of us, but I had thought over the months he had settled on a comfortable lifestyle. But it seems that the only thing he gained happiness was from rough sex and his control-freak behavior, taking pleasure on knowing every step I take. It was suffocating when I think about it.

I continued. "You are NOT sorry, Christian! You are satisfied of killing him, you are satisfied and you are a fucking coward!" I yelled and slowly hushed down, my screams turning into soft whimpers. Despite my verbal and physical attacks, Christian held me in his arms tightly as I pound his chest with my weak fists.

"I hate you…I hate you…" I mewl as he pressed my cheek to his, the faint smell of his after shave immediately calming me down.

"I know, Ana. And I'm sorry for making you go through all the pain. I regret it; I truly do after realizing how much it hurt you. Hate me all you want baby, but I'll do anything in the world to make you mine again." He says. I didn't believe him.

I shook my head and pushed him away gently. "I need some air."

"I'll take you out." He pleaded, holding my hand in his warm ones. I pulled it away, kneading my fingers as if he'd hurt me.

"I…I'll take Sawyer with me."

Even without looking at him, I could tell he was frowning. I thought he'd back off for a while and give me some space but instead, he took my hand and lead me out of his office.

"No, I'll take you." I wriggled, struggling to get out of his grip but it only tightened more. "Ana, what I said was a vow. I want to protect you and I can't have you winning over every single argument we have because it just won't help. I will help you get better, whether you like it or not because as your husband, I will not watch you destroy yourself in front of me, do you understand?"

I nodded, my mouth gaping wide open at his rather emotional speak. I've never heard Christian's eyes so intense when he started at me. He had done it before but it was only based on love and lust. This…this was something new. He wanted to protect me, but he also had protected himself FROM me. And that was a mistake I am unable to forgive at the current moment. It's going to take more than just fresh air to scoop me up from rock bottom.

I changed into a breezy floral dress while Christian stayed in his charcoal suit. Expertly, he pinned my hair up with a diamond vintage comb, letting a couple ringlets fall like a blooming flower. Sometimes I wonder what else this beautiful creature is capable of. If little Blip didn't even exist in the first place, I wondered if I would still be smiling with my husband, laughing so care-free like a bunch of immature teenagers, addicted to each other. Now all he could see was how vulnerable I am. I do admit I was born care-free and never really avoided danger but underneath this façade, Christian knew what type of protection I needed. He was my knight in shining armor.

'_Until he killed you…'_

Out of nowhere my inner goddess's voice appears, taunting me with words I don't want to hear. I swallowed and blocked out the world for just a moment and closed my eyes.

_**Christian's POV**_

Every piece of my heart pounded into dust at Ana's curses. She hates me. Inside I was panicking, not knowing what to do, where to go, and how I should react. I may be a genius when it comes to business but throw in Anastasia Steele in my life and all my morals go flying out the window. After I set the comb back down on the vanity, I turned to see her eyes closed, her breathing even and relaxed. My eyes darted to her soft, pink lips. Unable to resist, I leaned in and closed the gap between us, my lips meeting hers rather tenderly. It was rare for me to kiss her so gently, since my animalistic hunger for her body usually gives out and I was always grasping every chance I get to stick my tongue (or something else) down her throat.

Warmness enveloped me when she didn't pull away at first, just letting me caress her lips with the tip of my tongue. My chest constricted when she then pushed me away. Barely two days passed and I was hungry for her like a beast starved for years. She was still hurting both physically and emotionally from the abortion, but I had faith in the future. If I shower her with as much love as I can give, she'll eventually come back to me. Don't all women do?

Gingerly, I took her hand in mine and had Taylor led us out and into a limousine I used only for special events. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. I exhaled in relief when she didn't move as I sat beside her. I rolled down the window like she demanded and have her smell the fresh air of Seattle. It had started to sprinkle outside. Stupid whether always ruins the mood.

"Where do you want to go, baby?" I tuck the strands of hair behind her ear to get a clear look at her smooth, porcelain face.

"A café."

I ordered Taylor to drive us to an exquisite French café, where I basically have a life-time reservation always saved for me. She dug into her Chanel bag and her eyes widened, suddenly looking everywhere, digging through her makeup supplies. She was looking for her cigarettes.

"If you are looking for the pack of Marlboros you bought, I have already thrown it away Ana."

Her eyes cooled and she settled back into the leather seat.

"It helped me calm down, Christian. You didn't have the right to do that."

I clenched my teeth, trying to control myself in front of her immature behavior. But I couldn't scold her or give her a spanking. I was supposed to save her, not destroy her any further. The automobile halted and we sat there, unspeaking. Her expression made my throat tighten. Taylor opened the door to her side and she stared into my eyes.

"If only you knew how it's like to be a woman for just one day, it would be much easier for me to understand you. I know you had a rough childhood, but you can't have that as an excuse for everything you're frightened of. Sometimes it makes me wonder if you're taking your tragedies for granted. Just know that you're not the only one. You're a grown man," her eyes sharpened and she straightened her posture, "you should learn to act like one."

From the corner of my eyes I saw a wide smirk on Taylor's face. Just overnight, Anastasia had become a stronger woman than ever. But what I knew is that she is starting to live behind a mask. I'm more than willing to get my wife back. For once, I will play her game. If it takes a lifetime to get her back then so be it because I am to blame for every fiery emotions she's feeling right now. What we both can't deny is the fact that she needs me as much as I need her. Eventually, we are going to settle this dispute. She is my fire.

I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips.

"_**Shall we go, Anastasia?"**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thank you for the reviews everyone. I just want to say this between being a high achieving student and indulging into writing is difficult, especially when health issues are involved in between. If I had the chance to actually sit down and research about abortion, I'm sure this story would be a million times better. There's only so much that a girl can handle. The importance of my last chapter is to show that every woman, no matter how badly their partner's messed up, they will still have some amount of love for their husband. I wanted to portray to you all that Ana is very traumatized at the moment because of Christian yet she feels confused because she expected herself to hate him but still have some parts of her heart that disagrees. And I was not BEGGING for fans to accept me or my idea about Gideon. Yes, it is my story but I just didn't have the heart to disappoint you guys after having so much success. I had so many mixed reactions that I wanted to ask one more time so please don't be angry with me.**_

_**Enjoy this chapter to your fullest and as always, don't forget to review. Sorry for the late update, I had an orchestra concert today.**_

With my hand on Ana's lower back, I urged her gently forward into the café until my eyes met the one person I least expected to see in Seattle.

"Cross?"

His cold blue eyes darted upwards to look at me, then to my wife. I held Ana tighter, cursing to myself for acting out of instinct. The last person I want her to meet was Gideon Cross, my business partner from New York.

"Grey. It has been a while."

I nodded, smirking slightly. The last time he was here, Ana was still in college, the same day she had clumsily stumbled into my office. He shook my hand and I can see paparazzi out the window from the corner of my eyes and people staring, obviously gossiping.

"This is Anastasia Grey, my wife." I smiled; thinking that she probably wasn't in a good mood to introduce herself but boy was I wrong!

Her posture straightened and she held out her hand, her lovely head cocking to one side and a sly smile playing on her lips. "Please call me Ana. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cross."

Gideon took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips, gently placing a short kiss on the back of her milky soft hand. I can tell he was taking quite the amount of liking in meeting the ultimate wife of Christian Grey, a ruthless businessman. I squeezed Ana's back firmly, letting her know that I was not pleased with her performance to this guy.

"I will, if you call me Gideon."

Great! They've met for a few seconds and are already calling by their first names. The first time Ana and I met, she rarely used my first name, incredibly intimidated by my sex appeal.

"Of course, Gideon." She smiled, a blush creeping to her cheeks. The reporters were going crazy outside. Just as he was about to speak, I cut in, urging Ana forward.

"I apologize but we have to get going. It's nice to see you again, Cross. Please don't forget to keep in contact."

He gave me nod and I escaped the scene quickly with my hand pushing Ana gently towards a private room, specially made for us. The walls were red, painted with golden French scrolls. There was a dining table for two, a fully blossomed rose stood in posture at the center of the table. I can practically feel Ana rolling her eyes at my attempt to be romantic. I admit, I'm a fucking dumbass when it came to hearts and flowers.

I pulled back the chair and she sat in it, comfortably, adjusting her dress as I push her forward back to the table. A professional waiter took our orders and we were left in private as Ana observed the room, chewing on her bottom teeth in nervousness. I wasn't sure why. My eyes turn cold and I look down at my plate, thinking of her expression when she met Gideon.

"It seems you've suddenly become fond of Mr. Cross, would you like to explain Anastasia?" I say as the waiter came back and pour us a bottle of their oldest wine, 1780 Silivechi, my personal favorite.

Her jaw clenched and she looked behind me, focusing on the decorations.

"I thought you would know the answer, Christian, since you were the one who introduced him to me. Just know that I don't fuck every man I smile at."

"Anastasia!" I growled at her rude remark. But it certainly was true that I had to introduce her whether I liked it or not but her reaction was just…different; nice, polite, tranquil. I just wished she would see the good in me. I thought she understood me.

Her tea was served with strawberry arnaud, one of the most expensive desserts served only for the prestigious people. I wanted to make her feel like a queen. She rolled her eyes but took one piece and popped it in her mouth, chewing slowly and savoring the flavor. My groin jerked hard as a tongue darted across her bottom lip. But I have to wait for sex until the doctor's signal because of her…abortion. I took another sip at my wine and she drank her tea rather gracefully this time, her blue eyes hooded with pleasure at the feel of the warm cup between her hands.

I reached out for the snack the same time she did and our fingers met. She retreated quickly, as if it was a skill of instinct. I frowned and retreated back, failing to hide my distress.

"I'm your husband, Anastasia and you…you wouldn't even let me touch your hand."

She swallowed, her eyes tearing up before she blinked them away, covered by a new emotion.

"I don't like touching murderers."

I wince and slammed my wine glass on the table, shattering it. She gasped and jolted in shock at my violent reaction. I may have been upset with the idea of having a child but never in my mind have I even had the slightest idea of physically killing him. But abortion is the same thing right? The child was alive but since…that…no…oh god, I feel like I'm about to vomit. Tears rolled down my cheek and I unbutton the top button of my shirt and run my fingers through my hair. Pacing back and forth, I pointed my finger at Ana who looked equally traumatized.

My voice was cracking. "I'm not a g-good father, Anastasia…b-but I'm not a murderer. D-don't call…please don't call me a m-murderer." I trembled.

She was taken back, her hands pressed up to her chest. Without another word, her gaze fell to the floor and she quickly ran away from here. I slumped back on my chair, my chest heaving up and down as fragments of memories invaded my vision of that morning.

_**OoOoOo Flashback OoOoOo**_

_Ana came into my office and I ended the phone call quickly, a smirk playing on my lips as I observed her fair sized breasts and the beautiful curves of her body. She chewed her bottom lip constantly, making me want to suck the life out of her mouth with my tongue shoved in her. Her silk dress swayed as she sat down and looked at me dead in the eyes._

"_Christian, I..I need to tell you something."_

_I raised my eyebrows, concern clouding my vision._

"_I…I'm pregnant."_

_Those three fucking words horrified me. My eyes bulged out of my sockets and I practically choke on my own saliva. Anastasia? Pregnant? Children? Shit? Babies? Diapers? Fuck. I gasp and knelt in front of her, grabbing her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at me. _

"_A-are you sure?"_

_She nodded, biting her lips again. My breath hitched. "Yes…Dr. Green found out first but I had my suspicions for quite some time."_

_I shook my head, grabbing her by the arm. "No, Anastasia. You're getting get rid of it now."_

"_Christian!" She shrieked and I drag her out the door, facing Taylor who was pacing back and forth. I guess he already knows. "Call Dr. Green and schedule for an abortion right now. I don't care how much I have to pay, do it now!" I yell and pace back and forth as he did exactly as told. Fuck! I can't be a father now. It's too much. Ana will leave me when she realizes that I can't do anything for the baby. She'll leave me and I'll be all alone, forever with mountains of paperwork, growing old in the red room of pain. _

_She has to do this, there's no other choice. It's just getting rid of the baby, for this time. There will be more opportunity later. Anastasia knelt, grabbing my right leg and sobbing._

"_Please don't do this to little Blip, Christian. If you don't want him, I'll take care of him. I can provide a life for him. Please!" She begged._

_No! She'll provide a life for this baby without me. I can't let that happen. Anastasia Grey is mine and mine only and she'll stay the same for as much as I want. No fucking shit in diapers. No working late and shopping for baby clothes. My child would hate me. It will hate me! _

_I swallowed the feeling of dread down my throat and shake my leg off of her. _

"_How many fucking times have I told you I don't want a child Ana! What is so hard about getting that shot!? I give you one simple task and you go ahead and mess it up! So fucking great!" I shout, pacing back and forth. "Now listen, Ana. You're going to get rid of that pregnancy, and we will live like we normally would. No children. No shit. This goddamn marriage will be over when shit comes up like this! You know that! It's the matter of responsibility."_

_She sobbed even more, whimpering. "I will take care of the baby! I don't need you to do it, I can handle it!" She suddenly yells back and my hands shake._

_Divorce. She wants to divorce me. I can't breathe anymore. "Shut up." I say, in my Dom mode. "Shut that smart mouth of yours and stay like that until I say so. We are going to go over to Dr. Green right now and you are going to terminate that…that thing of yours."_

_She shook her head and as I lean down to pick her up, she shoved my chest. Since I was stronger than her and twice her weight, I easily managed to capture her and have Sawyer get her into a car. With hesitation, he did his job and Ana clawed at me._

"_YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, CHRISTIAN! HE'S YOUR CHILD TOO! HE'S YOUR FUCKING CHILD!" She yells as she was dragged out of our home. I rub my temples, feeling a storm of headaches coming my way. Taylor appeared and came forward to me. His eyes were cold with hatred as he stared at me. Too bad he can't say anything. I'm his boss, and I have the authority whether he liked it or not._

"_Dr. Green will be terminating the child right away sir. Since we have agreed to pay the clinic a good amount of cash, they will be doing as you wish and keep this event very discreet. No one except Dr. Green and the CEO of the clinic will be involved."_

_Christian sighed in relief, walking fast towards the car with Taylor trailing behind._

"_**Good. Let's go."**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you for the reviews! Just wanted to say that this is not a cheating story between Ana and Gideon. Romantic issues are involved of course but sex is for Ana and Christian only, I can assure you that. The thing about writing this is the fact that I don't know what it likes to be a mother, or a woman who had lost her child. And I know for a fact that I won't be a mother for a very long time so if some details or feelings are not accurate, then I apologize. This chapter is a little short since I have to study for my final exam on Chinese this up-coming tuesday. It's been eating my brain so, once again, sorry! Enjoy this chapter!**_

After regaining consciousness from my breakdown, I immediately went searching for Ana in my Audi that Sawyer had delivered. I looked around for nearly an hour before I saw her on the bus stop a couple miles away from the café, kicking dirt with her shoes. Because of the hard rain and thunder, I could observe that she was soaking wet, her hair also drooping down in dark curls. She played with the diamond hair ornament between her fingers.

She toyed with the wedding rings and slipped them on and off, as if she was deciding whether or not to leave me. I took a gulp of air, not knowing how long I have been holding my breath. I parked in front of her and swung the door open calmly. She looked up with exaggerated slowness, feeling the electrifying aura between us. The tension that only we could feel.

I reached her in quick strides, sitting beside her with my thigh touching hers. She didn't move a muscle until her trembling voice reached my ears.

"I think I need to see Flynn."

Unable to say anything, I nodded. How come the people I love always fall into depression when they're with me? All the women I love suffer because of me. Grace, Kate, Mia…

"I'll schedule one tomorrow." I say and she looked down. I could tell she was thinking hard, her brows furrowing and her breathing labored. I reach out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Ana…I'm worried about you. Everything you say, everything you feel it's…it's also killing me. I don't know what'll make you feel better."

Lightly, I hovered my hand over hers and grasped it tightly, bringing it up to my face. The warmness of her touch made my eyes burn with fresh tears.

"I could have saved the baby. I could have persuaded you one way or another…I don't care. I could have saved the baby, Christian. I need little Blip."

I lay my head on her shoulder and breathed in the scent of the rain and her floral perfume. "You have me. I can't live without you and I don't care how miserable this world is because every day since I met you I found the reason to wake up and live. I was scared too..."

She closed her eyes and leaned back on me, her lips nearly touching my forehead. I was aching to make love to her, right here, right now. Scooping her up in my arms I placed her in the passenger seat of the car. She was shaking.

We didn't speak the whole way but I can tell Ana was fighting and internal battle. Her hands and legs would shake, she would whimper softly and then at last, dig her fingers through her hair, tightly gripping roots. When we arrive home, I was greeted by Gail, Taylor and Sawyer running towards me. They were quiet, knowing that Ana is still vulnerable to everything around her.

I helped her up into our bedroom and sat her down, telling her specifically to wait there until I finish speaking with Flynn, like she advised me to.

_**Ana's POV**_

I can hear little Blip's cries in my ear. My baby. He's calling out for me. As soon as Christian shut the door behind him, I run across and into his closet, scrambling through his clothes but the cries only got louder and louder. I lock the bedroom door first, just in case he's angry. If he hears little Blip crying, he'll get agitated. I don't know what's happening to me.

"TEDDY!" I yell and scramble across to the bathroom. He was still crying, ripping my ear drums apart. I scream. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!"

My chest is rising and falling with every hard breath.

"Anastasia!" Christian yells from outside, banging on the wood. "Open the door!"

I claw at my hair. I don't know what to do. This is too much. I closed the bathroom door and locked it. Teddy was still crying, reaching out for me. There was only one thing to do. I swallow and grabbed the porcelain holder for a bar of soap and smashed it against the bathroom mirror. It shattered into the sink and my feet.

I have to hurry. Maybe little Blip's hungry, oh no…he gets really cranky when he's hungry. Teddy needs his mama.

"I'm coming, baby!" I yell and grabbed the sharpest piece I can find. I have to hurry. I don't know why. I slipped on another piece of glass and stumble back. Christian was banging on the bathroom door after breaking down the one in the exterior of our bedroom. Time was running out.

"DON'T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING STUPID ANASTASIA!" I hear him. Do what? I'm merely going to go take care of my child.

'_He's dead' _

What? No, he's not dead. Who is this? A woman's voice…is it…it can't be…

Elena Lincoln. She held a bloody bundle around her arms backing away as I crawl closer. Theodore was still crying, thrashing.

"If you want to see him, slash those pretty wrists of yours honey." I hear her melodious voice say. I comply.

Digging the sharp edge in my skin, I cry out, making rapid multiple slashes on one wrist and do the same to the other. I can nearly feel my skin turn cold as streams of blood fall on the floor.

I reach my hand out to her. "Please…he's really hungry."

She grinned and chuckled and before my eyes. Along with Teddy's loud screams, she disappeared along with him.

"NOOO!"

I slash my wrists harder and harder hoping to bring him back until I hear a loud bang behind me, the sound of a gunshot. Taylor shot the lock and kicked the door open and through a haze of time, Christian rushed in and knelt beside me taking me in his arms.

"Get Flynn and call the ambulance, now!"

Taylor took off running and sawyer came in ripping the fabric of my dress in long strips and tightening it around my wrists to stop the bleeding. I couldn't move a muscle. My head felt heavy, as if it was about to roll off of my body.

"Fuck!" I hear Sawyer curse loudly and took his tie off, tightening it over my right wrist that I had cut too deeply. "Mr. Grey, she lost too much blood."

My head was spinning and I whimper, rubbing my face onto Christian's chest like a cat. It was getting harder to breathe. "Christian…"

He held me tighter. "It'll be okay, baby. I'm here."

And then I realize what I had done. Oh god… "C-Christian…I'm sorry…"

I can feel a droplet of his tears on my shoulder as he rocks me back and forth, holding me tightly as if I'm going to disappear into thin air. I've caused him so much pain…

"Hush, Ana. I'll get you help, okay baby? I'll get you through this." He whispers in my ear.

I managed to gather my strength to look at Christian. Maybe it'll be my last time. I feel myself slipping away and vaguely remember the lesson on erosion that Mrs. Buckley taught me in 5th grade. Like the sand on the beach, I'll drag myself away further and further away from the sunshine, until I'm miles deep down in the ocean. I'll drown. I won't be able to see the sunshine anymore…I'll be alone…dead…

"I-I'm scared…" I stammer, feeling the darkness envelop me.

"I know, Ana, I know."

By the time my vision starts to blur, I hear Flynn's voice and a couple of paramedics who carried me onto a stretcher. The whole way, Christian held my hand, letting me know that I'm not alone. But even if he was there, I was still falling deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit, knowing the maybe the only thing that'll save me, is death itself.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thank you for your reviews and all your support. This is my last week of school and it's busy as fuck! I have two finals, one tomorrow, and the day after that so I have to study to death. I'm writing this chapter now because I didn't want to keep you guys waiting. It's short, but it'll help set the setting and tone for the next upcoming ones. Gideon will be making an appearance soon! Once again, thank you all and I hope you enjoy this story, as always. **_

With my shaky body, I helped carry Ana into my car, letting her lay comfortably on a pillow with Gail watching her. My clothes were still bloody, knowing that I didn't have time to change. Flynn is waiting in my condo along with Sawyer who's keeping him company. I got in the limousine and knelt beside Ana's unconscious and tired face. I kissed her temples and run my fingers over the gauzes that secured both her wrists from bleeding any further. Seeing her being stitched up was the most painful thing in my life.

Gail placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure she'll get through this, Mr. Grey. She's a very strong woman."

I nodded and did not speak any further. I don't know if what I'm doing will save her or sink her to the bottom of the ocean. It all depends on her and the way she thinks so complicatedly. I even wonder how she functions during as this time as my wife. In less than eight months she had gone from a student, to my lover, to my wife…and a broken mother.

I rub my temples and groaned softly, feeling a hit of migraine eating out the corners of my brain. There are business needed to be taken care of in Shanghai, but it's impossible to leave Anastasia here all by herself, alone, afraid, lost and broken. I have to be there for her. I'll have to figure something out with Taylor, that's for sure.

When we arrive at home, I carried Ana out again and hug her tightly to my chest. My private doctor sat on the chair across Flynn who greeted me with a nod. I responded back ever so quietly. Gail opened the door to our room and I tuck Ana gracefully in bed, propping her head up with a silk pillow and tucking her in. I look at the corners of the room to see small, built-in cameras thanks to Taylor's hard work. The moment Flynn had decided to have Ana under strict suicide watch, my heart churned.

Sawyer had cleaned out the bathroom from the help of Grace who is on her way back here after leaving to go get medication for Ana. I walk back out and sat on the leather chair between the two men.

"You may head home, Dr. Gandy." I tell the doctor. He got up slowly and shook my hand, parting with unnecessary pleasantries about my suicidal wife. Since the hospital had approved of her discharge, I won't need him that often because she's already on strict watch by the security.

Once the door closed and Gail politely thanked the doctor, I turned my attention back to Flynn.

"When are we going to schedule the next session?"

He sat back and opened up a leather book, jotting down notes. "I prefer letting her heal for a while. You can give her about two weeks of rest, for her body to heal from both this incident and the abortion. It would be fine if you want it earlier, but from my past experiences, that makes my patients feel unstable and claustrophobic."

I nodded. "In two weeks will be fine. Sawyer, Taylor and Gail will be working every day for this month in order to get her back on track. I've also hired a nurse to check in on her weekly, just in."

I sat forward with my elbows on my knees, digging my fingers into my scalp. Both Flynn and I knew I was also breaking. It didn't take long to keep up this mask I have been carrying around all day.

"I almost lost her, Flynn. I nearly killed her with my own hands…I-I didn't know how I didn't see that coming. I knew how much I've upset her after threatening her into abortion because of my dysfunctional childhood but I didn't have the right to do that to her…I…I don't know why I was so stupid…"

He jotted a couple notes down and waved his hand around, speaking casually as if I had not just said that, as if my wife wasn't unconscious in the next room.

"You didn't kill her, Christian. The money and memories may have influenced you, but you did not kill her. I've dealt with cases similar to this and I can assure you that Anastasia was proving herself to be a good mother, just through a very dangerous and different process. While that…" he waved his hand awkwardly, referring to the incident earlier this morning. "happened…did you notice her say anything? Anything referring to the child?"

I squeezed my temples, remembering her screams as I try to tear down the wall.

"Something about…little Blip getting hungry…I-I don't know…"

He nodded a couple of times, bobbing his head. "Anything else?"

I shake my head. "No…I-I don't think so. If something comes to mind, of course I will tell you but watching the love of my life on the verge of death had me by the throat. I was too focused on her physical being."

Flynn wrote rapidly on one line to another and closed the book, tucking the pen between the folds of the pad.

"It must be very difficult for you to be in that situation. What I want you to do today or tomorrow is take a rest and write down anything critical you remember. I think this is crucial information on healing Anastasia as soon as possible. Will it be okay to meet on Thursday at four thirty?"

I nodded vigorously. I needed some rest and it was nice of Flynn to understand that. I needed to gather as much information as I can on Ana's mental being. I also have to help her physically heal, which is the main phase right now.

I shook Flynn's hand and led him out of my apartment. He gave me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, his eyes darting back to see Gail cooking a pot of mushroom porridge.

"Give her some time, Christian. I will do my best in making sure she gets better both physically and mentally."

I sigh and nodded. "Thank you, Flynn."

I closed the door quietly after he left and made my way back to the bedroom, making sure everything feels nice and comfy in the room when she wakes up. Whenever I steal glances now and then, I know that there will be a rocky road ahead for both of us. And the more that information travels through my brain, the more I get irritated on feeling that we have hit rock bottom, and there was no way to turn to.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you for the reviews everyone! Tomorrow's the last day of school and I am going to be able to update often for another two months! Yay! Sorry for the long wait! I've been so busy with chores and getting everything straightened up that I have completely forgotten to update. Oops! Oh well, enjoy!**_

_**THIS CHAPTER IS INSPIRED BY A SONG CALLED "If I let you go" by Westlife. If you haven't listened it yet, then what are you waiting for!? Anyways, on with the story haha!**_

Grace brought the vitamins and handed it to me, avoiding my gaze. It was quiet in the room for such a long time that Taylor, who only spoke when required, cut in.

"Shall I give you a ride to work or to the household, Mrs. Grey?"

"Mom…" I whisper, reaching out for her but she turned around. Fire burned beneath my buoyant façade and I find myself swallowing a lump in my throat.

"To work, Taylor."

I clutched the bag of vitamins and waited; just for a small acknowledgement for the mother I love the most in my whole world. Just a small encouraging sentence, nothing more, nothing less.

"I'm disappointed, Christian…Never…" She inhaled deeply and exhaled a throaty sob. "Never in my life had I imagine you do such a horrible thing to a woman. I can clearly say now that I did not raise you properly, that you are still acting like a child and still have no regret for something this cruel. You're my son!" She turned to me, her moist eyes meeting mine. "You're a pediatrician's son! I did not raise someone…" She wiped her tears and paused, standing tall. After a moment of silence passed between us, she walked away. "Take care of her properly…and call me if she needs anything."

Gail and Sawyer looked at each other before walking away and I did the same, taking the tray of food that she had prepared into Ana's room. She opened her eyes as soon as I came in, acknowledging my presence as I shut the door behind me. I placed her dinner on the night stand beside her and sat the edge of the bed, taking out the bottles of vitamins. My mother's words still rang in my ear. I can feel my hands shake.

"I…um…I got you some vitamins. Do you want to shower first or eat?"

She didn't reply, just curled her body even more and whimpered softly. I flipped the covers over and brought her into my arms. Surprisingly she accepted me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her face close to my chest. She wept gently as I caress her hair back and forth. I kissed the top of her head and she whimpered even more, her breathing shallow.

"I'm s-scared, Christian…I'm so scared…"

My heart was breaking, my throat was aching with welled up tears. I feel as if I was about to break. "I know baby, I know. I'll do anything in my power to get you better. I promise you."

She nodded. "I just wanted the pain to stop…I…I didn't know…I j-just…" She stuttered, trying to explain but couldn't form any words. I wiped her crystal tears away and looked into her big sad blue eyes full of endless pain and sorrow. The emotions that I've caused these days.

My blood was boiling and it took every single ounce of self-control to not break.

Pressing my lips to hers, she went weak under me and cried against my hot breath. I kissed her with all the feverish passion I had. I want to see her illuminating smile as I gave her every single piece of me. Gripping the top of the blanket, I pulled and wrapped it around us as I held her softly yet firmly in place to soothe her crying.

"I hate you…Christian…Grey. I hate you…" She said but pulled me even closer. I love her. I don't care how much she loathes me, but no matter how many times she'll curse me, I will always love her.

"I love you, Ana."

She closed her eyes and I wipe the tears from her cheek. "Christian…"

_**Ana's POV**_

Even through all the pain, here with Christian with his heartbeat running close to mine was comforting. His deep purring voice, his big warm body let me know that I was safe. And yet at the same time, I wanted to push him away, punish him, hate him, and break him. No matter how much I tell him, he kept fighting for me. I closed my eyes, the confusion hitting me life a wave of nausea.

'_It's just his guilt talking, Anastasia.' _My sick inner goddess spoke out.

Christian took my left hand and kissed the ring that adorned my pale finger.

"Mine. Mine only." He whispered and placed the hand over his rapid heartbeat. I cherished the moment, the moment when I forget every problem in the world and just focused on the man I said "I do" to.

I opened my eyes as he tugged on the tight gauzes and unwrapped them, a small gasp escaping past his soft lips when he saw those deep scars. Christian brought my wrist to his face and kissed them, getting a small amount of blood on his skin.

"If only I took better care of you…if only…"

His voice trailed off and he threw the dirty linen away before unwrapping my other wrist and repeating the same actions. The moment was over. Christian sat up and opened the drawer next to him to take out a first aid kit. He replaced my dirty gauzes with clean ones and I watched in wonder as he licked my wounds. I wondered what my life would be like without him, without all this fucked-up-ness, without his protective behavior.

When he was done he took the tray of food and set it on the pillow beside me and helped me sit upright.

"Eat this before it gets cold," he said and I can hear the evident pain in his voice. My stomach churned in protest.

"I'm not hungry." I replied and the room went awfully quiet.

"You have to take your medication, Anastasia. If you want to be healthy again, then please don't shut me out on this." He was firm…almost angry even.

"What makes you think I want to get better?"

Curse my smart mouth.

The words escaped from my throat before I even got the chance to think about it. Christian's eyes went wide and he looked at me. I knew what he was thinking, and it wasn't pretty.

"I nearly lost you, Ana!" He yelled and I cringed in fear. What have I done? I didn't mean that, Christian. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say I wanted to die. I don't, but I'm scared. Please understand, I'm scared!

My thoughts were running while he heaved in anger and pure sorrow. After what I just said, my body was paralyzed all of the sudden. I couldn't move and I couldn't even blink as I took in every single antagonizing word he spat.

"I understand your fucking pain but you have no idea how unreasonable you're being right now! If I lost you on that goddamn bathroom floor, if…" he cried, salty tears streaming down his perfect face, "If I had lost you…I-I wouldn't be able to go on without you. I wouldn't be sitting in the room right now. I would go crazy. You are my sanity, you are my everything and I love you so much I could die."

"Christian, I-" I started.

"So which is it, Anastasia Grey?"

He took the dinner knife on the tray and placed it in my hand, forcefully making me grab it while pointing it to his chest.

"Do you want to kill me? Do you hate me so much that you wish I never existed?"

I shook my head…no…my fifty, no! I sobbed. Little blip's screams were in my head again. I don't know how much more I could take this. I dragged Christian down with me to the depths of hell I'm living in now.

'_Good job, honey. He killed that little baby inside you…he deserves it!' _I hear a voice in my head repeating over and over again. Stop, please just stop this! I'll do anything! I yelled in my head, hoping those voices will end.

And then I see Christian's eyes snap wipe open and released my hand, dropping the knife between us.

"Ana…oh my god…Ana I-I…" He gasped and hugged me. I didn't realize how much I was shaking, it was as if I was in such a violent shock that my whole body just starts to convulse. I felt sick.

"Oh my god, baby I'm so sorry, I'm so…so sorry. Oh god…fuck, what did I just do?"

_**Christian's POV**_

I held her as she cried harder and harder, her depression meter hitting the roof. I was so angry, upset, disgusted, and shocked at the meaning behind her words that it gave me the last push off the edge of a deadly cliff. I was free-falling, not knowing what I was saying or doing.

"C-Christian…" She hiccupped and held me. I hushed her and rocked her gently.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I know how much you're hurting, baby, I know. Shh…"

I kissed her tears away and then carried her out the bedroom. She needs some air and this is the least I can do for her since she wouldn't be able to go out of this penthouse for a couple weeks. Gail, Sawyer, and Taylor who just came back stood politely quiet as they thought of what to do in this situation. I remembered what the doctor said to me earlier today at the hospital.

'_Avoid balconies, sharp objects and any obstacle that would harm her. If she feels claustrophobic, let her walk around the room or open a window that she will not be able to reach…'_

"Would you like to talk to anyone…like, Ray? I'm sure he will be more than willing." I ask her and through her hiccups, she nodded.

"Taylor," I called.

"I'm on it, sir."

I nodded and then lead her to the couch. We sat down and Gail went to make fresh English tea. This was the beginning of her treatment. Now that we had shed some of our dirty skin off, we are going to start new. She will get better…I swear on my life she will.

"I promise you baby…I promise you…"

All she did was lean against my chest, and nodded.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm trying to make up for all the times that I forgot to update so once again, I apologize about that. I'm also working on a book I plan on publishing if I ever save up enough money to actually do it but either way, I'm cooking up ideas both in the kitchen and in my bedroom…it's not what you think hahaha. Enjoy the chapter!**_

Pressing the phone up to my ear, I listened carefully at Ray's fatherly yet tender voice.

"Annie?"

"Daddy…" I sniffled and sobbed yet again, the little promise I made to myself earlier falling apart. I had planned not to cry in front of him but now that the walls were collapsing between me and him. I'm still trying not to tell him the whole truth about the abortion. I don't want to make the situation worse than it already is.

"Annie, what's wrong, baby? Is there something troubling you?"

I whimpered and placed my hand over my eyes, shutting the sight of my tall husband and focusing on my breathing.

"I just wanted to hear you voice, daddy. I miss you…I want to be your little girl again." I manage to say, the aching lump in my throat preventing me from saying anything more.

"No matter what, you'll always be my sweet little girl. Now tell me what's wrong? Is it the marriage?"

I nodded, and then realized that he couldn't see me. "Yes…"

"Oh Annie, I know being a wife is hard but you see, every marriage faces an obstacle no matter how bad it is-"

"I lost a child," I cut in, closing my eyes and clutching the blackberry in my hand tighter.

"What?...Oh my god…Annie, when, h-how?" He stuttered and I could just imagine him in his greasy jeans, wearing a red plaid worn-out shirt whilst sitting on his couch and gripping his home phone. My heart churned. This was a mistake, I shouldn't have called him. Why am I always so stupid?

The last person I wanted to hurt was the man who always took care of me throughout my whole life, feeding me, bathing me, and keeping a roof over my head. The man who always gave me all his love no matter what kind of problems I was going through.

When I open my eyes, Christian had his hand around the doorknob, about to leave the office room, a fearful yet firm expression on his face thinking that I would tell him the whole truth.

"I miscarried."

He paused and turned to me, his lips twitching awkwardly in confusion.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Annie. I will come over as soon as I can to see you." He says and I hear furniture scraping against the wooden floor. He was worried.

"No, dad, it's okay. I'll be fine and I'm going to be healthy. Christian is helping me cope with the loss and taking care of my health. I promise I'll be fine." I smiled, trying to sound a little cheerful.

"A-are you sure, honey? Is your mom there with you, what about your in-laws?"

"No! Please don't tell mom!" I nearly yelled, a sheet of sweat breaking out of my skin. "Please…not yet…" I beg and Ray grunted in disapproval.

"Annie, please tell me the truth…I've lived with you nearly your whole life, and I know when you're hiding something from me. What is it?"

I swallowed. Of course, I could never fool Ray but I can't give up now. I had to come up with something. "I'm just nervous for my therapy sessions-"

Christian grabbed the phone from my ear and spoke. "Ana got an abortion. I think it's best that you come see her immediately."

No…no! "Christian, stop!" I yell and push him down on the floor. The blackberry flew out of his hand and landed on the parquet floor rather harshly, the screen cracking into thin white veins.

"Why did you do that!?" I yell and punch his chest with weak blows. My wrists were hurting too much to move freely.

"He had to know anyways…so I can repay you for everything I did to you. This way I can be punished by everyone around me for making you live in my fucked up world."

I shook my head, digging my nails into arms as I shivered, fearing the worst. Families would fall apart…we would be so unhappy. I would have to face them every day knowing that the only feeling they have for me was sympathy. No…I don't want that. I don't want that at all. They're going to hate Christian…they're going to hate Gail, Sawyer, Dr. Green and Taylor for not stopping them.

"I just wanted to talk to him, Christian…I just wanted to tell him I was okay because he always knows…he always knows when I'm unhappy. Why is it that you can't even let me have this one moment to myself?"

He looked frustrated, confused, and seething with exhaustion. "He's going to find out one way or another, Ana. I already told Grace who will, most likely tell the whole family and maybe along the way, the Kavanaghs will know too. I'd rather rip the bandage off in one piece."

"HE'S MY DAD! MY FATHER!" I hissed at him and grabbed him by his collar. He didn't flinch at all and instead, wrapped his arm around my waist, lifting me off my feet and having my body instantly react as I also encircle my short arms around his neck.

"If you listen to me and obey me this once, then I'm sure your life would be much easier. Just let me take control of this situation, I promised you that you'll get better with my help didn't I?"

Ah…dominate Christian is back with full force. Great! Just what I needed at this moment when I'm about to tear every single strand of his copper hair off of that pretty little scalp of his. The last thing I want him to do is treat me like I'm some kind of animal and order me around, taking control of my vulnerability.

"Well thanks to your fucking actions, you had ripped my baby out from my body didn't you!?" I hissed at him and he dropped me onto the floor, taken back and angry at my words.

"I didn't…I didn't mean to hurt you…" He said through his glazed eyes.

I scoffed. "For being such a young, successful billionaire, I really can't imagine what's going on in that thick skull of yours."

"I didn't want you to leave me, Ana. I don't want the baby, I only wanted you…and we both knew that's not possible, so I took the only way I had. I had to terminate the pregnancy."

I was disgusted. Did I really marry him? Did I really looked into his eyes and agreed on spending my whole life with him through sickness and health? Christian looked like a wounded dog; his thick brown brows were furrowed intensely. This conversation seemed like the only normal talk he had with me in months!

"You know what, you were right. I did plan on leaving you when you said you wanted to get rid of little Blip. And now, even with him gone, I'm still going to leave you. I see no future in us…I can't even imagine us being happy again. I can't imagine us making love like we used to…"

I switched my gaze from his gray eyes to the pattern on the floor. Even without him saying anything, I can still feel his broken heart starting to weigh down on me. I had loved him once; to the point of giving my own life and sacrificing all I had. I had tried my hardest to mold into his lifestyle and he gave me every piece of him. I had loved this gray-eyed man that radiated of danger. And yet, right now, I didn't know if I would ever regret saying this. Did I really want to leave him? I don't know. My mouth was saying things my mind didn't process.

"You don't mean that…do you, baby?" He was hurt…and I've caused the pain. He was supposed to be the guilty one…then why do I feel like the bad guy?

I walked backwards slowly as he took one step forward, then another.

"Answer my question, Anastasia…did you mean what you just said? Do you really want to leave me here…alone?"

My fifty was hurt…and I caused it. "Stop making me feel like a bad person…" I whisper and he reached out to cup my face in his hand. I subconsciously leaned against it and then pulled back, realizing the Christian Grey affect was in motion.

"Oh no, Anastasia Grey. You're not a bad person. It wasn't your fault I didn't want the child because my mother's pimp used to beat me. It's not your fault you look so much like my birth mother. It's not your fault that I didn't want this child because I feared of being a horrible father; a father that cannot even take care of his wife and children properly. No…it wasn't your fault at all."

The sarcasm was literally radiating off him.

"You didn't even give little Blip a chance!" I yell.

"I know I didn't…I know, baby." He sighed and caressed the strands of hair that were out of place. "I've been on my knees for you ever since that day. When you ran away…when you almost got hit by the taxi…when you were nearly unconscious on some fucker's bed, did you know how that made me feel? I feel that I can't even protect the woman I love. How am I supposed to protect a child then? I made it firm and clear that I didn't want a child and yet you have to go ahead and forget to do the one task that I have for you. Just one little task!" He spat.

Yes I have hurt him…I know how much I have hurt my husband that I wanted to love for all my life. But he hurt me as twice as much. Even if I got beaten by a heavy cane by one of his subs it wouldn't hurt as much as it did when I woke up on the hospital bed.

"The shots didn't work."

He paused, confusion then realization paralyzing his mind. "What?"

"I got the shots…and it didn't work. You used to use a condom before I got them…and I knew how safe you are with intercourse, I knew how much you would hate to be a father. But didn't you ever think about the things you say. About how you always wanting to fuck me until my brains splatter all over these walls, or how you want to come inside me so badly that you would die? We have sex, Christian. We made love and little Blip was our blossoming intimacy that would make our relationship even stronger. It was something that would change our life in such a positive way. Now go ahead and tell me it's my fault that you strapped me down on that bed and took him out of my womb,"

"I didn't strap you-"

"Go ahead and tell me it was my fault to cause you all this misery. That I caused Grace to hate you, that now you'll have to take care of this excess baggage," I pointed to myself, "Tell me that, Christian Trevelyn Grey. I dare you!"

He was silent…completely silent. And slowly, his whole body bent and he was on the floor, his knees apart, his palms on both his thighs, his gaze downwards and unmoving.

"C-Christian?" I asked and shook his shoulder. When he didn't say anything, I nearly panicked. What is he doing? Shit, now what did I do? "Christian look at me!" I demanded.

He looked up, his gaze staring straight into mine, his expression steel hard. No…not again…

_**Christian Grey, the submissive. **_


	10. Chapter 10

_**I'm sorry for not updating for a long time. I got carried away by watching Grey's Anatomy for the whole day and becoming the ultimate potato. Thanks for reviewing and here is the next chapter of Fifty Shades of Abortion. It's quite long. By the way, Gideon's debut is in the next chapter. Enjoy!**_

I pace back and forth in front of Christian's kneeling body. It has been nearly two hours since he's been like this, in his submissive position. In the entire time we've been together, the only time I know Christian would do this is when he's desperate. Is it such a nightmare for me leaving him?

'_He cares about you,' _a sweet angelic voice in my head says. I shook her head. I don't care how much he cares about me. All he cares is about himself and it frightened me that he would do such a thing to me to avoid a future that I once considered my dream.

He was supposed to support me yet all he did was batter me down with all his accusations into a pulp.

"Get up." I commanded, trying to sound as firm as I can. He was right when he first introduced me into the BDSM world. I don't have a single dominant bone in me.

He obeyed, his eyes on the floor but it somehow held mine. Not because of the fact that he was a foot taller than me, but because it seemed as if all he saw was me. Every single day, he would only see me and before he had committed such an unforgivable crime, I would have been head over heels over that fact.

"Please don't do this, Christian. Don't do this and let me go…just let me go." I beg him, placing both my palms on both strong pads of his chest. I love him. I love Christian Grey…and I don't know why even now, I still can't bring myself to accept that fact. Seeing my expression, I can see him relax a bit, the mask slowly cracking.

"A…na…" He whispered, trying to snap out of his submissive state.

I knew how hard he was trying to be calm just by feeling the rapid heartbeat beneath my skin.

_**BA DUMP! BA DUMP! BA DUMP! BA DUMP!**_

"Look into my eyes, fifty. Look at me," I ordered and yet again, he complied.

His gray eyes were full of regret, sadness, widened with panic and incredibly bright with adrenaline racing through his veins. I wanted to rip off the bandage in one piece.

"I can't do this. If we…if we continue like this, I will never get better and everyone around us would be miserable. I can't get over this and there's no excuse for what you did. And of course I love you because I married you, Christian Grey. I love you so much. But I was right all along…I can never be what you need."

His tears dropped rhythmically on my bandaged wrists and I couldn't find the strength to pull away. This is it…this is where I'll leave my husband of seven months. I thought we would have lasted longer and I wished it so badly it did. But for now…at least temporarily…I want to be left alone.

When I pulled away he let out a throaty gasp, as he was being strangled by a pair of invisible hands. He grabbed my wrists and with so much strength, he slammed me onto a wall. I coughed violently, the air knocking out of my lungs.

"You can't leave me, Anastasia Grey!" He hollered yet I couldn't pay attention, the pain that overtook me from the back of my head to my tailbone ached.

He held both my wrists on top of my head; his hips pressing to mine and helping him hold me firmly along with his other arm that was around my waist. In a split second he had changed from a submissive to a dominant. That was the transformation that Christian didn't want me to see all along because it was so feral and ugly with its venom radiating from his body.

"L-let me go, Christian!" I demanded, hoping he would obey me like a sub would but that persona was gone. Despite what my mind protested, my body had created the salty tears that were dripping endlessly. I was in utter shock.

"I can't let you leave me, Anastasia," he hissed like a slithery snake. It was one of the scariest sounds I've ever heard. "You're mine… no matter what. It will always stay that way. You're on suicide watch now…and that gives me an advantage."

A sly grin played on his lips and I feel a shiver shaking me from head to toe.

"C-Christian…if you do this, I'll leave you!" I threatened him, giving it all I got. "I swear to god I'll divorce you and never come back. JUST BACK OFF!" I thrashed but he had me in a skin tight grip.

"No!" He yelled, his lips just an inch away from mine. "I tried to make up with you the fact that I had made this one mistake with you. I had scrambled like a dog to make you happy, to please you and now you're telling me you want to leave me. So yes, I'm upset and angry to the point of taking a knife and killing anyone I see. You're the wife of one of the most powerful man on earth and if you don't get that now, you better will because that means I won't ever give up on you."

Our chest heaved up and down as I glared at him and he did the same. Abruptly he turned away from to give orders to Taylor who was outside.

"TAYLOR!"

"Sir?" He opened the hand carved door, not bothering to stick his head in and look at how messed up I look, pinned to a wall like a piece of note paper.

"Arrange my Le Tango Rouge jet and have it ready in the next hour to my house in New York. Have full security arranged and monitored at my wife for twenty four hours a day. Have a psychiatrist arranged there, the best you can find, and send all my paperwork to the office there understand?"

"Yes. Is that it, sir?"

"No," Christian shot back. "Hand me your handcuffs."

To my embarrassment and anger, he peeked in and understood the situation handing my husband a pair of heavy silver metal cuffs. I writhed.

"Don't you dare, Christian Trevelyn Grey!" I spat and Taylor tried to talk him out of it. The impatience of my husband was not something that can be competed.

"Sir, this-"

"Shut up and get out of my office."

Taken back, he shot me a sympathetic look and rushed out the door as Christian tightened the cuffs around my wrists. Much to my surprise, I laughed.

"What's so funny?" He shot me a look as if he was going to kill me at any moment. And I wished he did, so I wouldn't have to live in this hell with a monster.

"Now…this is what Mr. Grey's wife should really look like. Bound and weak. That's what turns you on, doesn't it you sick bastard!?"

Hurting him was my top priority at this moment.

He grinded his teeth together and dragged me out of there to see Taylor on the phone doing what my control-freak husband told him to do and Sawyer scribbling something in his notepad while Gail was trying to ignore everything that's been going on. I nearly burst out laughing, not because it was funny or anything. I finally saw how much money influenced everything. Christian could have half the world kneeling at his feet.

"The jet will be ready in an hour, sir. There will be enough time to pack up the-"

"No." Christian cut him off, yet again. "Buy whatever it is needed in New York with the card I gave you. The last thing I need is a bunch of extra luggage on that plane."

"Understood, sir." They nodded and avoided my gaze.

Christian held me by the elbow and dragged me into our bedroom, slamming the door behind him. His patience was wearing out.

"You think I want to do this, Ana?"

His voice was cracking and the lump in my throat appeared again. No. No more tears, Anastasia Rose Steele. No more fucking tears for this man. I turn my head, fumbling the smooth edges of the handcuffs.

_**Christian's POV**_

She hates me. I can see it in her eyes, her body language at how much she had hated for what I'm doing now. I don't want her to end up like me when I was a teenager, without control of myself and without anyone to guide me. I had scared her and scarred her.

I just wished she understand how much pain I was in when I pinned her to my office wall or when I took the only chance I could get by kneeling into sub position. I had hoped she understood that the last thing I want her to experience was madness.

"I'm sorry…" I cried, digging my fingers into my hair and pacing back and forth in front of her. She held her gaze away from me, that faraway look in her eyes dripped of sorrow. I knew that by the end of the day, she was going to leave me. She was going to divorce me, open the door and run out of my life forever. The thought took my breath away. How am I supposed to live without the soft vanilla smell of her hair? That smooth skin, her ocean blue eyes, her pouty pink lips, and the most soothing voices I've ever heard from a woman besides Grace.

"I never wanted to hurt you, baby. I never did…" I say and look down at the handcuffs. It made me feel secure, and it sounded horribly wrong. I really am a sick bastard. She would have trouble doing things by herself and therefore, need me.

When my private jet is ready, I'll take her to a place where the skies matched her eyes, the white sand sticking between her toes and the calm smell of fall wind travelling through her hair. I want her to heal there because during my years of being tamed by Elena, I was healed there both mind and body, although my soul always belonged to this lioness in front of me.

The only trouble was, I had owned this property beside my womanizer acquaintance, Gideon Cross. Knowing that he was here in Seattle had me feel a little more secure in keeping Ana safe, but I wasn't sure whether or not he was going to fly back in today or whenever it was, knowing that he only took short trips. My beautiful wife is for my eyes only. I had destroyed every magazine company that trash-talked her and shared out the fake news of being a gold-digger. As far as I knew, she only wanted me for who I am. She craved my body like a drug and it was nearly impossible for any other man to take her out from my arms.

But when a situation like this comes, I had to worry about our marriage that is on the brink of divorce. I snapped out of daze when I see her removing her diamond ring, our promise, from her left hand.

"Ana, don't do that!" I said and grabbed her hand in mine, securing the ring back in place. She pulled herself away from me and hissed like I did earlier.

"Don't touch me. You're not my husband…you're a monster. You're a madman."

As much as those words had me by the throat, I could not do anything to make her love me any further. When we get there, I knew my business would be easier. I would be able to spend more time with her, away from my family, away from Kate but still, Ray is going to be a problem but it will be an easy fix. The handcuffs rattled as she tried to stretch her arms in a more comfortable position.

"Just until the jet arrives, Ana. I promise you'll be more comfortable."

She scoffed at my words. Past her, I looked at my closet and downwards to a secret compartment she had not found. I leaned down and kissed her temple before having her being taken care of by Gail, giving them strict orders to not let her out of the handcuffs or their sight. They nodded in complete understanding, although I can see resentment in their eyes.

I closed the door and headed to the closet, knelt down on the floor and pressed on the wood. The little compartment opened and then came at least twenty bottles of prescribed medicine that I had ignored for the years I had been with other psychiatrists beside Flynn. I had not told anyone about this.

I picked up one after another, reading the labels and then grabbing a bag where I dump all of them inside to take on the trip with me. This trip isn't for Ana only, but for myself as well. When I walked out with the bag slung over my shoulder, I took in the scene before me with Ana literally pushing Sawyer away, Taylor holding Gail back from grabbing his keys to unlock the handcuffs. This was what mother was warning me all the time.

_**Flashback**_

"_I'm very sorry to inform you that Christian is suffering from multiple mental diseases such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Paranoia, Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, and a mild case of Multiple Personality Disorder. This is to be taken very seriously and since he is quite young, it is very critical to start therapy as early as possible. I have written you here my papers to prescribe him medication that will get him feel better. I know it's a lot but there was too much damage."_

_I grinded my teeth and fisted my jeans as Grace took the papers with her shaky hands. He did this to my mother. _

"_I'm fine." I gritted out and they both turned their attention to me._

"_Christian, this is for your-"_

"_This is not for my fucking own good you useless son of a bitch!"_

"_Christian!" I hear my mother yell, for once in my life and I didn't pay attention. I was too busy trying to slice this money-hungry shrink into pieces._

"_Fuck it. I don't need this medication. I have problems, but I can deal with it. Fuck your psychology, fuck it. Fuck everything!" I yell and flipped over the coffee table in front of me. _

_He stood there, with a stoic expression on his face as if I was just sitting across him sipping tea and enjoying the conversation._

"_Please sit down, Christian."_

_Polite, calm…rational._

_And I obeyed, without fail. Was it the look in his eyes? Was it the posture? I could never understand what he was doing to me._

_**And that was when I learned…"Control"**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Thank you for the reviews! I'm receiving my third book on the Crossfire series and I'm dying to start it through the little times I have for myself. I'm still preparing for my upcoming years of tough schoolwork and had to do some paperwork and blah blah blah, so please understand why I haven't been updating daily. I promise I'll write in a lot of juicy details for the next chapter. Love you all! I've decided to have the romance back in motion so I hope I met your expectations.**_

Once the jet took off, Christian sighed in relief, handing Taylor his black bag and then sat on the comforter beside the small window. He loosened his gray tie and threw the soft silk on the coffee table in front of him. I couldn't do anything now. The idea of jumping off a six hour plane ride that's at least 25,000 feet in air is a bit extreme too.

I sat across him in silence, leaning my head against the crème leather comforter. Our fight earlier today was wearing me off and I was already feeling under the weather, thanks to the horrifying rain of Seattle. I can hear Christian's presence as he stood up, walked over to me and sat mere inches from where I was. I scooted away from him.

"You're being childish."

I clenched my teeth when he placed the soft tips of his finger under my chin and brought me back to his gaze. My mouth fell open at his expression; the vulnerability and concern all combined at once. My fifty had seemed to become a little lost puppy in the pouring rain.

The plane jolted and he took the chance to grab my waist and press my body to his. His gaze was alluring and I looked away. I can't do this, not now. Not just the fact that I can't have an intercourse because of the abortion but that I don't want to go through the torture of thinking what had happened just mere days ago. When I tried to push him away, he grabbed my wrist and placed loving kisses.

Angry in the beginning, frustrated in the falling action, and then lovingly sweet at the end. He's incredibly bipolar. I have no idea how I didn't realize this when I married him.

"Leave me alone," I murmured. He pretended not to hear me.

"I love you, Anastasia," He said with his awfully desperate and pleading voice, making me feel, yet again, like the villain more than the victim.

"Christian I-"

"I love you, Anastasia," he repeated. "I love you, Anastasia."

This time I was quiet and there was that deafening silence in the air.

"I love you too, Christian." I said, looking down at the bottle of scotch sitting in the glass cabinet. He sucked in a breath, his hand tightening around my hand. I didn't know why the words came out of my mouth, but it felt so natural I couldn't help it. Some part of me wanted at least one person who would care about it me, even if he was the one causing all my misery. "I married you…and I love you. But I can't do this now…I just can't," I looked at him through my lashes and blinked back my tears.

He looked even more depressed, knowing what I mean by the words. Although they proposed a romantic meaning, I had delivered another message that his love was unaccepted by me at this time of my life.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He gave me a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Ana. You love me and I love you. It's a start for us again and I promise you we'll get through this, I do."

I closed my eyes and he pulled me onto his chest. I breathed in the scent of his cologne and the lingering smell of his aftershave. It was intoxicating. His hand ran up and down against my back and I knew what was happening.

He's in need of sex.

"You know we can't do that…" I say, reading his thoughts. He nodded once just touching me rather intimately through my clothes. I didn't want to fight again and the energy was drained from our last one earlier.

I cleared my mind and envisioned my loving husband, Christian Grey, placing butterfly kisses on my neck. I imagined us being like any other happily married couple; I imagined us being normal. And for a moment, I wanted him like no other person in the world. Seeing the evident confusion on my face, my husband leaned down and captured my lips with his in a needy kiss. I held his face in my hand as he pushed me down on the couch and groaned in my mouth.

The masculine sound ricocheted through every nerve within me and I found myself weak under his urgent caresses. The hardness through his pants pressed against my clit and it took every ounce to not give him the satisfaction of my grindings. I'm still upset over what happened and it would take more than a kiss for him to fix it.

He bit my lip and tugged gently before rubbing his whiskers against my chin and neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses along the way. Ever so gently, his teeth grazed against my shoulder and I find myself surrendering for more. No matter what, it will not work that way.

"Stop," I said gently, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere.

He kept on going, his eyes closed and his mouth covering over my breast through the silk dress.

"Christian, stop," I say and he moved lower and lower.

"Please!" I whimpered and scooted up from his grasp. He pulled away for a second and then lied back down on my stomach, just staying still with one hand under the dress and on my thigh and his left beside his head.

"Let me sleep here Ana…it's all I ask of you."

With those words I was a goner. Replaced by a mask of understanding, I run my finger through his thick copper locks and sighed at the feeling. He groaned softly, encouraging me. My hands fell on top of his left one and I twisted our wedding ring on his finger. His hand was warm like fresh cinnamon buns out of the oven.

"I wish I can love you again," I whisper under my breath, thinking he wouldn't hear it.

I underestimated his sharp senses and his reply vibrated my stomach. "You can, baby…you can."

Through the whole flight, we just lied their in our own thoughts but smiling at the one fact that remained evident in this room.

We are on our way to recovery.

After a while I found myself entering a dreamless sleep where time doesn't exist and all the pain was anesthetized. It felt nice have a man sleep on your belly, his soft snores vibrating on my abdomen. Five hours later we landed the plane in the darkness on one of Christian's companies. We took a taxi to our destination since I had not been to New York City and it felt nice to experience a change of atmosphere. It was noisy and full of people, despite how late it is.

As we got nearer to our destination, it became silent and my legs shook with anticipation. Christian remained beside me with his stoic expression, just looking up at the starry skies but clearly not enjoying it. We arrived in front of a very large vintage house as if it came alive out of a storybook.

There were three houses on this beach, including us. Christian scowled as he looked at the one beside us and I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out why.

"Taylor, retire for the night. I'll call you if I need anything."

He nodded and walked the opposite direction from us to god knows where. With his twinkling gray eyes, he took my hand and we jogged to the wet sand. I squealed and giggled at the feel of the white sand between my toes and the cold water splashing against my ankle.

"After our honeymoon, I wanted to take you here, but it seemed that I never got the chance," he said and raised his hand to show me the obviously dark and cold beach. "Well, here we are."

I smiled. "It's a wonderful place."

He returned it with a grin and for a moment, we were free from all the problems in the universe.

"Tell me I'm not imaging things, Mr. Grey."

Every ounce of happiness disappeared as he turned around to reveal Mr. Gideon Cross, the man I had met in the café days ago.

"Ah, Mr. Cross. It's a pleasure to see you, yet again. I didn't expect you to be back so early."

The tall man flashed me a smile and I can feel the heat rushing up to my cheeks. He was clearly masculine with his sharp jaw, stunning blue eyes, his inky black hair that was pushed back and obviously, his well-built body.

They went on speaking about stock exchanges and what-not and I looked down throughout the whole conversation, not knowing how to act.

"Well, goodnight Mr. Grey, I'll see you at the meeting next week."

Christian nodded, waiting for him to go. And I feared the worse as his eyes landed on me.

"Goodnight, Anastasia."

Well that's the cherry on top of my sundae. Christian clenched his teeth and his jaw tightened. We made our way back inside the house and I admired the interior decorating. It looked so modern and edgy. He undressed on the way to our bedroom and then went in the bathroom.

"We'll eat dinner afterwards…I have a lot of things to warn you about him."

I mentally sighed and then shook my head. Of course, Gideon Cross is going to be the problem. But that wasn't on my mind. There was only one thought and one thought only. I felt ashamed for myself for thinking this way because I'm a married woman but fuck it; I need to have someone who is out of the loop in all this bullshit. I want to get to know someone who is so out of my league and different, so it wouldn't be difficult for me to fit it. I sprawled on the bed and sucked in a breath.

_**He remembered my name.**_


	12. Author's Note - Not a Chapter

_**I would like to clear the fact that ANA IS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT GOING TO CHEAT ON CHRISTIAN WITH GIDEON! Going as far to insult me of my mental behavior is stepping over the line. And you know what, if you see me as a horrible woman who is basically a bitch for having a character deal with depression by trying to get to know someone who is not in that depression circle, then so be it! Reporting my story for character abuse? You have to be kidding me. I write for people who want to read and I write something I want to read. I was in depression and I still am. I've been through a million melt downs; I've been through so many phases that you can even call it a miracle I'm able to get back on track. I write fan fictions because it is my savior, it is my escape from the world and it is something I enjoy doing. I love to share my stories and sit down to pool all my thoughts into one little novella. I am on the road to recovery and that is what inspired me to write this.**_

_**With you haters asking about whether or not I'm making Ana a complete slut, you either need to stop reading this story because of your lack of knowledge in depression or you basically just need to have some PATIENCE and wait for my next update. How many times do I have to repeat on the fact that THIS IS NOT A CHEATING STORY!? I'm upset, completely crushed that someone would actually go as far to report this. It crushed me. It angered me. It broke me both as a writer and a person. And by the way, this is a fanfiction website. If you don't like reading about cheating stories, than don't read it; no one asked you to. E.L James may be upset at the fact that there are a lot of people writing cheating stories, but that's her opinion. I love her as a reader and I love her as a person who took the risk of publishing such a thrilling and controversial book. I'm sorry for not being a professional writer with the mind of a prodigy. I'm just a common person.**_

_**Ana never said even once that she wanted to sleep with Gideon. I was just giving out information on how he looks and how he resembles Christian. My story is dark, not hearts and flowers. If you can't accept that, then that's not my problem. I did not break any rules following the Fanfiction publishing guidelines. **_

_**Also, I appreciate my positive reviewers on keeping me motivated.**_

_**P.S**_

_**Ana said, "I felt ashamed for myself for thinking this way because I'm a married woman but fuck it; I need to have someone who is out of the loop in all this bullshit." **_

_**Do you know how it's like to be surrounded 24/7 by people who traumatized you? Christian, Taylor, Gail, and Sawyer. They may or may not stop her husband from doing that but in the point of view of Ana who was unconscious half the time, you have to understand the fact that Gideon is the only sane person she had saw these past days. A depressive woman can only hope for a friend who does not know about her problems and still accept her. **_

_**She feels ashamed because she knew her husband would not accept her friendship with him. She wants to heal again, and she was aiming for it. All this time she has been put in the dark, and now Anastasia Grey wants to get her life back on track. **_


	13. Chapter 12

_**Thank you for the reviews everyone! For the reviewer that I was speaking to in my author's note, I appreciate that you gathered up the courage to apologize. I forgive you. Thank you for all your encouraging reviews for my author's note and supporting me of the little meltdown I had over a person. I love you guys so much! I've decided to give my readers some time to take a breath from all this rollercoaster scenes so I've decided to make this part as close as the intimacy of two people in love. Enjoy this chapter to the fullest!**_

After dinner, Christian left the dirty plates inside the sink and stalked up behind me. The things he told me earlier hadn't gotten my mind off the plans of having Gideon as a friend. There was barely anyone on this private beach although the city was only a couple miles away. And he did have the persona that I recognized when I first interviewed my husband, but I knew that he was a friendly and warm person.

He followed as I made my way up the stairs into our master bedroom. It had a floor-to-ceiling window on one side, showing the majestic view of the beach, and white Victorian furniture perfectly in place. The bed was scattered with white rose petals and I admired the crimson silk sheets. I looked away, reminding me sickly of the red room of pain and all the women he had fucked senseless in there. I turned away from it to enter the bathroom, preparing for a nice warm shower.

"I'll join you." He said and came behind me. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

He unzipped my dress and ran his fingers down the dimples on the small of my back. The silk pooled around my feet and exposed my bra-less breasts to the air, making my pink buds harden from the cold. Christian went on his knees and kissed the side of my thighs and slowly pulling the white undergarment down from its place.

"Your body is perfect…so very beautiful," he groaned against my skin and stood back up. "I'll get the shower ready…" He said and adjusted the temperature as I removed my pad and threw it in the wastebasket after wrapping it in toilet paper. I wasn't bleeding much anymore, and Dr. Green told me I was a fast healer. It wouldn't be long before I have to go back to the OB/GYN to get an examination.

I walked forward and unbuttoned Christian's dress shirt. Halfway down, I just realized that I'm undressing my own husband and touching him like I was attracted to him. Even though I had acted on my force of habit, this feeling seemed foreign to me. His expression wore a mask of shock and breathlessness, as if he couldn't believe I had done that one simple task. When the last button parted, I placed two hands on his shoulders and slipped the soft fabric down his toned biceps. I did my best to ignore the bulge in his pants as I removed his belt and undid his pants. He groaned.

"Ana…" He cupped a side of my face and I look up to his stormy eyes. Desire radiated off of him and I removed my hands stepping inside the shower and turning away from him. I can hear his clothes falling and he slid the glass door back in place. Through the water, I strained my eyes to read the labels of the new shampoos and conditioners that were neatly placed on the holder.

Christian leaned against me and reached for the dark blue bottle and squirted the gel out on his wet palm. I lifted my head up to see him but he pushed me forward and got under the water, letting the warm water fall over his head which shielded me temporarily. His slender fingers massaged my scalp and lathered my hair in the smell of soft roses. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly.

"I love the way you purr," he whispered, his voice deep and seductive.

I opened my eyes and turn back to him, feeling the heat creeping up to my cheeks. I didn't even realize the sounds escaping within me. He massaged my hair thoroughly and rinsed it until all strands of my hair fall back in place. Taking the washcloth, he cleaned me from head to toe, not missing a point. I look away as he cupped my sex.

"Look at me when I'm touching you, baby."

I look back at him and he wiped the soft cloth against me. I sucked in a breath trying my best to stop my quivering legs but failed he rubbed his thumb against my clit. It felt like waves of pleasure were crashing onto me.

"Christian…s-stop,"

And he did as he stood up. I couldn't believe how little pride I had for myself. Just for a couple caresses, I was basically begging him to make love to me. After all that has happened I let myself slip away little by little. I let myself go to the person I grew to hate. He reached for the conditioner and I made my escape, sliding the glass door and quickly getting away from someone who had seduced me, someone who had caused me infinite amount of pain over these few days.

"Ana!" He called out for me but I didn't look back. "Ana wait! Fuck!" He growled as I didn't even bother putting a new pad on and just slipped under the cool silk covers.

I waited for his arrival but he didn't come. Risking a glance, I found him back in the shower again, watching him throw shampoo bottles to the marble wall. I sighed and snuck into my bag and grabbed for a pad and underwear before doing my business in the bathroom downstairs, securing a robe around me.

My heart was thumping wildly in my chest as I got back, gasping as I saw Christian's intense eyes looking straight into mine.

"We need to talk." He said, wrapping himself in a black robe.

My palms were sweaty and I licked my dry lips and nibbled on the pink flesh. His palms twitched, wanting to punish me but restraining himself from further physical damage to my body. Good, at least he got that down. He reached me in quick strides and I pull back. He had killed my child with his own money, his power, his hands…how would I know that I would be safe? He had promised me my safety…and a part of me still believed it after that incident. I didn't know what it was. Maybe his sincere eyes or his kind voice…I couldn't tell.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" I say although it came out harsh and snappy. His jaw clenched as he grinded his teeth.

"No, it can't." He reached me in quick strides, pulling me to his strong hard body.

"It seems that you have forgotten that I'm your husband. I'm touching your body…and all you do is pull away instead of submitting to me. You never even try to love me like you used to…"

I kept my face stern but my short ragged breathing gave away my vulnerability.

"Do you really think I don't want to?" I whisper back at him. "I can't forget that no matter how hard I tried. I had loved little Blip so much that I was willing to do anything to keep him…even if it meant leaving you."

His eyes widened and his fists clenched.

"You don't love me, you want me! You just want me as a permanent fuck doll!" I yell with tears streaming down like an endless waterfall. He looked hurt…even offended.

I didn't know what I was saying, but I just had to say it. Every single doubt I had in the back of my mind ever since I met him nearly exploded at his face.

"I married you, Ana! Doesn't that say everything!?"

I stopped and bit my lip harder. He was right. He did marry me but why is it that I felt like I have no space to crawl out of? It seems like I'm his puppet, doing everything he says without question.

"I…I don't know…I-I'm just-"

I pace back and forth away from him but he caught up to me too quickly. He embraced me from behind and I exhaled all the pent up frustrations away.

"I'm sorry, baby…I'm so sorry for everything. I hope we could just get back on track…I hope that somewhere in that beating heart you would have space for me."

My fifty. When he says those tender words, I feel a pang of guilt and love in me and it was something I had grasped onto desperately. I wanted us better, but not until I found what his reasons were for doing this to me. Not until I found a reason for the cause of my baby's death. There has to be more than his horrifying thoughts of parenthood.

"I'm too tired to do this now, Christian. It's too much for me now…at least maybe in a few weeks I can start to gather up pieces again…but now I want to rest."

He nodded in complete understanding. "Let's go to bed."

He took his towel off and undressed me from my robe. Together, we got comfortable under the sheets and he spooned me from behind, one heavy leg resting over both of mine and his breathing falling rhythmically on crook of my neck. His hand went up to cup my swollen breast and I lay there unable to sleep, knowing that he too, was also awake.

"I love you,"

The silence was nearly unbearable after his voice disturbed the peaceful sound of a cricket chirping.

"Me too…" I whisper back to him and he groaned softly, his lips pressed firmly to my pulse beneath my jaw. I couldn't say those three sincere words easily. This time, Christian had licked my wounds for me and I was half thankful for it. Maybe I should consider fixing us together for the sake of this marriage?

"My wife…my Ana…you're all mine." He sighed and kneaded my breast softly. I closed my eyes and pulled the sheet under my armpit, his touches slowly driving me to sleep.

_**Christian's POV**_

The uneasiness behavior after a suicide attempt. Flynn had warned me of her behavior earlier when Taylor was packing the suitcases on the back of the car. If I want Ana back to myself, I have to play fair and square. I have to release some of my leashes on her, but I'm still hesitating to do that. Should I tell her everything about me and my fucked up past? Should I tell her every detail of the pills I haven't taken, of Elena being my teacher, of my four years of unbearable pain?

I pet her hair and she stirred slightly, her lips twitching. I love her so much it hurts. I would do anything for this woman; anything at all. But a child…a child was more than I could take. I didn't want the child to end up like me, and I'm the only person who knew the secrets that I myself didn't have the guts to tell her about. She had waltzed in suddenly and scooped me off my feet. I have loved her too much…and I was paying for it now. Every piece of heaven I withhold in my hand turns to dust, and I wasn't letting Ana out of my grasp. I need her. I love her. And I don't care how I have to do it to keep her with me.

She's an angel, unlike me and it's going to be a long battle on getting her back the only way I can; by force. She knows that when she obeys me, her safety is always my top priority. Everything is all over the place, but one thing she knows for sure is the promises I have made, and the ones that I have not fulfilled.

"I love you, Mrs. Grey."

I kiss her cheek and pulled her towards me even tighter. She had opened up old wounds today, and I nearly blew the chance to touching her again. I smiled, knowing that Anastasia is somewhere inside this mask of hers. She will be here soon with me and love me again.

I leaned over and with a flick of my wrist, turned off the lights.


	14. Chapter 13

_**Thank you for the reviews! I love you all for reviewing and following this fanfic but for most of all, taking time to read it. It is such an amazing feeling and I'm so grateful to everyone for coming along this roller coaster journey. Enjoy!**_

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of waves crashing and the smell of Christian's warm body. He was snuggled up close to me, one heavy arm around my biceps and a leg over my hips, caging me in. He was still sounding asleep. Moving my fingers through the cramped space between us, I brushed over the faint marks of cigarette burns on his collarbone, and another one underneath it. I knew how hard his childhood was and how even though he had two responsible and loving parents, he never really experienced the feeling of love from his biological parents. I was all he had. But that wouldn't stop me from the pain that he had caused by his dirty influences. Christian Trevelyn Grey crossed the lines of control.

Slowly I slipped away from him and pushed a pillow back in my place to give him something to hang onto. I adjusted the blanket and went into the bathroom where I did my business of going to the toilet, changing pads, flossing my teeth, washing my face and then brushing my teeth squeaky clean. I combed and brushed my hair thoroughly before changing into a pair of white satin dress that was loose-fitting and breezy when I swung my hips and walked. It was a start of a new day, and I wanted some space to breathe. Taking a chocolate cable-knitted sweater with me, I went downstairs and greeted Taylor who was sipping Starbucks coffee and reading the morning newspaper.

"Good morning, Taylor."

He smiled, replying. "Good morning, Mrs. Grey. Are you taking a walk?"

I look towards the door and nodded. "Yeah…Just for a while."

He stood up, buttoning his coat. "I'll have to escort you out since Sawyer's shift doesn't start until 7 this week."

My brows furrowed as I suddenly came into realization as to why he was saying this. "But I'm not going anywhere. Just outside," I motioned, pointing to the beach through the window. "To get some air."

He shifted his eyes and cleared his throat. "It's in the protocol, Mrs. Grey. Mr. Grey personally arranged for you to be watched at all times by either me or Sawyer within a limit of thirty feet distance."

Of course. Tears were brewing in my eyes and I had to look away.

"I will watch from afar. I promise I won't be a bother except if you're in danger, which I believe won't happen."

I blinked my tears away and straightened my posture, clearing my throat. "Of course…shall we go then?" I say as he nodded rather vigorously and went to get the door. I stepped out barefoot and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, the amazing view immediately calming me down.

As blinked, I saw Gideon standing perfectly still, the water swaying back and forth across his shin. From the pent up anger that gave me confidence, I walked forward and smiled, his eyes widening as he acknowledged me.

"Good morning, Anastasia."

"Good morning, neighbor." I can see his eyes brighten.

"Enjoying New York?" He chuckled, knowing that this state is always hectic for everyone no matter how much they have spent their time living in here.

"Quite interesting…and noisy around the city. It's beautiful though."

He kicked the sand around. "I know, but you'll get used to it somehow. It's quiet on this beach so you don't really need to worry about it."

A small wave came from afar and the water splashed in our direction, making me stumble back and drop my sweater as he caught me, one arm on my back and the other on my shoulder. Even though the water felt nice around my knees, I completely underestimated my physical well-being.

I look back to see Taylor running towards me but I raised my hand up to him, telling him that I'm fine. He halted right away and nodded, worry and guilt etched within him. He knew how much the abortion was affecting me and he was there when I cut my wrists. He had followed Christian's orders and it was eating him, knowing that my husband's power was no match for him.

"You okay?" Gideon laughed loudly as I struggled to remain standing. The coldness of the water making my knees week and my body shiver with goose bumps. The sensation reminded me vaguely of the anesthesia Dr. Greene had put me on when Christian was killing little Blip. I swallowed and forced myself to smile.

"Yeah," I giggled and ripped the piece of seaweed off that was stuck on my dress. "It's a colder beach than the ones from Seattle."

"Mm, it definitely is." Gideon agreed, his blue eyes twinkling with memories.

_**Christian's POV**_

Waking up to the scent of Ana's scent was the best in the world. Chanel mademoiselle perfume mixed with the salty scent of her skin. It gave me so much pleasure knowing that I'm the only man who had ever experienced this feeling of excitement and contentment. My smile turned upside down when I opened my eyes to see the emptiness beside me. Ana wasn't here. I grabbed a robe and ruffled my hair when panic surged through me. What if she ran away? What if she was kidnapped and I will never see her again? Did she drown herself in the sea? Did she commit suicide again?

"Fuck!" I curse as I put on my boxers and tightened the robe around me.

Then I heard laughter. I paused in my steps, listening steadily. Stalking up to the slightly open window, I push open the glass panes wider and saw the one thing I didn't ever want to see.

Ana's hand was on his arm as she laughed uncontrollably, Gideon's arm encircling the small of her back as he did the same. What the fuck was going on here? Great, I haven't woken up for thirty seconds and the first thing I see is my wife eye-fucking another man, who, to my resentment, can pretty much compete with me in every area whether it's intelligent, looks, or business.

It was barely six in the morning. How long have they been outside?

I brush my teeth as quickly as I can and make myself look presentable. I took a deep breath and walk downstairs, clearing my throat and stepping outside. Taylor heard the door squeak and looked towards me, his face stern and serious. While my employee's attention was at me, the other two were too busy laughing their asses off to whatever they're saying. I haven't seen Ana laugh this hard since the day…that happened. I motioned for Taylor to come forward and he obeyed immediately.

"How long have they been out here?" I ask.

"About ten…maybe fifteen minutes, sir."

I nodded. "Did they do anything besides standing?"

Taylor must have caught onto my doubt as he replied in full detail. "Mr. Cross caught Mrs. Grey when she almost fell in the water, sir. There's nothing to report."

So that explains why his arm was around her. I nodded again, my teeth grinding back and forth. "Bring her inside for breakfast."

"Yes, sir."

Taylor ran off as I turn back and entered back into the house, waltzing into the kitchen and preparing for two cups of coffee with extra milk for her and dark for me. As I set down the cups on white counter table, it brought me back to the time when we would play like little children, trying things we never did before. I rub the edges of the counter, reminding me of the times when we would make countless love in the kitchen whether it is against the counter, the fridge, or on the floor.

Anastasia's face was flushed when she came in, holding a wet sweater in one hand and pulling her hair back from her shoulders with the other.

"Good morning, baby." My eyes warmed at her sight.

She handed her sweater to Taylor who took it and walked away to the laundry room, leaving us alone. She stepped towards me and took the cup of coffee before sitting on the dark blue stool.

"Good morning, Christian."

My hand tightened around the porcelain cup when I heard her cold voice, like she didn't even want to see my face or hear what I have to say. What about Gideon, Ana? How come you've knowing him for one night and laugh with him the next?! My mind of screaming, hyperventilating with rage.

"Thanks for the coffee." She said.

I took another sip, not taking an eye off her as she picked her short manicured nails, her teeth digging into her bottom lip.

"What are you mad at me for now?" I say, a little more frustrated than I would have liked. Her head shot up and a flash of anger traveled through her.

She scoffed. "Oh, you have the right to be annoyed at me when you've basically have the staff baby-sitting me 24/7? Yeah, that's perfectly reasonable for a 28 year old man to do this to a 23 year old woman."

I did told her about that before, but maybe she didn't take it seriously based on how at that time, we were in an argument.

"You're on suicide watch."

Her jaw tightened. "And whose fault is that?"

"Are you picking a fight with me, Anastasia?"

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yell, furious as the visions of her laughter with Gideon ate me from inside out. "You spend fifteen minutes with him and you suddenly turn possessed. You're supposed to me my wife!"

"Well I don't feel like one!"

"Because you won't let me treat you like one! You always shut me down whenever you see my face."

"Maybe because I'm looking at the face of someone who I trust, that had completely destroyed my life!"

My chest heaved as I took the coffee cup of coffee and gulped the rest of the scorching content and threw it in the sink harshly, breaking it. I gripped the edges of the counter until my knuckles turn white and breathed deeply, my head pointing downwards; defeated.

"I love you, Ana. I love you so much."

With a small clank, she set her coffee down and walked behind me.

"I know, Christian. You always tell me that."

She sounded unconvinced.

She was squeezing my heart little by little until it became almost unbearable.

"What would it take for you to come back to me?"

I abruptly I turn back when I heard her whimper to see her fall off the chair and curl into a fetal position, crying out in pain. I knelt down beside her and gather her tense body up in my arms.

"_**TAYLOR, GET THE CAR!"**_


	15. Chapter 14

_**Thank you for the reviews! **_

I woke up slowly to the tightening feeling inside my brain. Looking around me, I saw Christian's body snuggled up to me, an IV needle inside my forearm while I was in an oversized hospital gown with blue flowers printed on them. The sharp pain in my abdomen was gone, thanks to the warm heating pad that was strapped around my waist. I groaned softly when my ears popped, the steady beeping from the monitor starting to annoy me. My whole body was stable but hot. I glanced at Christian, his tear-streaked face content. His nose and cheeks were red and I could imagine how frightened he was when I was curled up on the floor, gasping for air.

"Christian…"

His eyes opened immediately, revealing red, puffy, gray orbs.

"You're awake!" He gasped and sat up immediately, cupping me in both hands and covering my face with kisses from his chapped lips. "And you're heating up." He frowned, pressing the red button beside my bed, having a nurse stepping in from behind the curtains.

"I think she has a fever," Christian said, worry and guilt etched in his strained voice.

"I'm fine." I hold my hands up, but dropped them immediately when my muscles collapsed. I was too weak to even speak for long. The morphine was wearing off, but it was still there.

The blonde nurse stepped forward and took my pressure, temperature, and checked my injuries contently, showing no signs of panic.

"I will get Dr. Blanc to see if it's okay for her to take Tylenol. Excuse me for a minute," She trailed off and ran off immediately to get my doctor. I rolled my head to one side, digging the heels of my feet into the bed and pushing myself upwards.

"Are you comfortable, baby? Cold? Hungry?"

I shook my head. "Thirsty."

He jumped off the bed and poured me a cup of water from the pitcher and placed a long white straw inside. Leaning over me, I sucked at the end of the straw eagerly and drank until the cool water slipped into my throat and down my empty, growling stomach.

"You're hungry too," he said and Christian seemed to be having a panic attack whilst caring for my needs. "Just an hour or two more, Ana and I promise I'll get you whatever you want to eat." His voice shook.

I nodded just as Dr. Blanc came in.

"I see you're awake, Mrs. Grey." He said, his heavy French accent soothing my alarmed nerves. "I will be giving you two Tylenol pills today and we'll wait about another hour to see if the fever calms. Since you've had an abortion about a week ago, I assume you're taking extra care of yourself?"

I nodded.

"Good. We took every test there is possible to see if you have bleeding in your cervix but because your blood discharge is starting to disappear at an early stage, I'm sure that there's less risk of infection. I ordered an OB/GYN for a checkup and she says that you're healing fine, so that's great so far. Just for you to know, it is safe to stay away from sexual intercourse for the next two weeks and that includes taking a bath. You just had a rare case of bad stomach cramps. They usually aren't unbearable, but it happens, so there's nothing to worry about unless you're not taking your painkillers properly. Did you, perhaps, forget to take your medication?"

I shook my head and Christian mirrored. "No, my husband always has me take them on schedule."

"From one to ten, how would you say the pain in your abdomen was?"

I thought for a while, biting my lips. "About a…seven…maybe eight."

He sat on the chair and rolled over beside me.

"Can you describe your symptoms for me?"

I eyed Christian for a moment to see him staring at me. If I wanted a proper diagnosis, I will have to be completely honest and that was going to cause problems when he finds out that I've been hiding my symptoms from him.

"N-nausea, insomnia, headache, shakiness, weariness…and, um…vomiting."

I can feel Christian's hand tightening around mine.

"How often do you vomit?"

"I can't really say for sure. I…um…about t-three times this week…" I eyed Christian once more.

"Would you like some privacy?" Dr. Blanc whispered his eyes full of kindness and understanding. Christian's hand twitched and I can almost see his concern hitting the roof.

"Yes…" I say and Dr. Blanc escorted my husband out. For some reason, this decision made me think that I have betrayed him in the worst way possible. He deserves to know. But it was too much to be in the same room as him when I'm speaking about the things he was guilty of.

"Now, we're both alone. Would you like to explain me the cuts on your wrists?"

I didn't know how much the question affected me, but tears starts to fall and I find myself shaking with the thought of Christian's premeditated murder. I sobbed and he grabbed the box of Kleenex and sat on the bed, one hand on my back, soothing my violent hiccups. I know that Christian was outside the curtain, and he was able to hear everything that's happening thanks to his sharp senses. Dr. Blanc understood what I was trying to say, although I didn't answer the question properly.

"How often do you think of suicide?"

I fisted my hospital gown. "It c-comes and goes."

"I was informed that you are on a special case of suicide watch by your husband. Have you been to a psychiatrist since you came here?"

I shook my head. "N-n-not yet. C-Christian's planning f-for it…"

"Okay, I understand Mrs. Grey. I apologize for asking you about this. I know how painful it is but I wanted to make sure you're getting the help you need. I advise you have a weekly appointment with a psychiatrist and take medication for your depression. I promise you that you will be fine. A lot of women go through this, and I know that you will be able to do the same. I will be signing your discharge papers after I check up on you in an hour. Is there any questions you would like to ask?"

"No…you've helped me enough," I said as I avoided my hiccups and he smiled back, patting me on the back.

"Okay, now rest for a while and I'll order my assistant to bring your medication over."

I thanked him and he gave me a reassuring smile before Christian stepped in to sit at the edge of my bed, his head down in the same position I saw him this morning while we were drinking coffee. The constant beeping from the monitor slowly became rapid, giving him a reason to stare at my heart rate going up.

"I'm sorry."

A nurse brought me two white Tylenol pills and I gulped it down with water, thanking him before the silence between us sustained. His eyes were hauntingly pained as if they've been squeezed too tight.

"Ray called."

My eyes widened, and I gulped. "What did he say?"

"He wants to talk to you and he…he wants to come see you but he's having trouble making arrangements. If you…um…if you want to speak to him, you can see each other through the built in webcam on my laptop."

I swallowed. "Yeah. That'll be great."

End of conversation.

_**Two hours later**_

Although it was unnecessary, Christian gathered me up in his arms and carried me all the way inside the house and set me down on the cool leather couch, against the gold silk pillows. I can already smell the mouth-watering food as he draped a thin blanket over me and brought me the oversized tray.

"Thanks." I say as I sit up to observe what was on the silver platter.

There was a berry smoothie with a cup of water beside it, a plate of five freshly cooked lobster tails with curry sauce and caviar on top, along with a side dish of thinly sliced beef to eat with the main dish and a cup of melted butter. I can taste it on my tongue just by looking at it. I placed the tray on my lap and dug the fork inside a piece of lobster meat, dipping it inside the butter and brought it up to my lips, chewing softly at the explosive flavors.

Christian sat beside me and watched me finish both my lobsters and beef as I then sipped on my berry smoothie.

"Full?"

I nodded. "It's delicious. Aren't you going to eat dinner?"

He shook his head and toyed with the ends of my hair, twirling it around his index finger. "No, I ate at the hospital."

The silence was deafening and I swallowed down the urge to cough. My head felt heavy as if it's going to roll over half way across the floor. Christian's must have been observant since he immediately hovered over me and pulled me to him.

"Your body is too weak to function now. Do you want to rest?"

I nodded and he sunk in between me and the sofa, turning me towards him. With an arm caging me to him, he let one heavy leg rest at my waist. He inhaled the smell of my hair as I listened to his heartbeat. In a matter of time, I found myself falling into a deep, dreamless slumber.

_**Christian's POV**_

I slipped away from her as she slept. Planting a kiss on her forehead, I stepped away from the sofa safely and walked towards the kitchen to pour myself a glass of red wine. It has been a long and tiring day and I needed some rest. Ana needed attention and help as much as possible. I wanted to be the one she needs, and I still can't come up with a plan. Sensing danger, I look to the side to see Gideon's silhouette under the street lights. He was carrying a briefcase in hand, and dressed up like he had come back from hanging out with his rat pack.

I didn't like him one bit. We have strong bonds in the business world but it has nothing to do with what he may be to Ana. The last thing I want to see is her escaping out of my grasp and running straight to that fucker.

My phone vibrated on the counter and I saw Sawyer's name pop up. I answered it immediately.

"Grey!" I snapped.

"M-Mr. Grey. Please turn on to channel two hundred, there's something you need to see."

I run straight to the living room where Ana was at and turned it on, lowering the volume. As I read the headlines on the top of the screen, my knees started to weaken. The faces that appeared on the screen were instantly added to my 'destroy' list. There was no other thing in the universe that can compare to the anger I am feeling at this moment.

"_**Mrs. Anastasia Grey suffers from post-abortion; suicide attempt."**_


	16. Chapter 15

_**Thank you for the reviews! I've written up all the plans for this story last night and I'm sure you guys would love how it'll turn out. Enjoy this chapter!**_

_**I wrote this chapter while I listened to Everytime by Britney Spears (on repeat). It really brings the mood to its maximum level so I recommend you guys do the same. Love you all!**_

Two weeks was all it took. I brought down every company that dirtied my wife's name, and I have every single person associated with the news about her fired. I am Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprise. Anyone who messes with me will be destroyed. After I had a conversation with Welch on hacking through the data bases of websites talking about Ana's abortion, I removed my tie and the first two buttons of my cotton shirt, making my way up the stairs. She sat there solemnly, holding her last pill of the month in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

We both knew that her hormones were finally stabilizing, and that she was physically ready for sex, but I couldn't push her to it. Not when she was feeling like this. Not when every single day, she was always with Gideon, enjoying his company. I'm supposed to be her husband. She is supposed to look up to me, not my neighbor who have probably seduced her already. She just couldn't see how much I love and cherish her.

Ana turned cold when she saw the news all over the media. The picture of me picking up medication for her was the first, and the other one was taken at entrance of the hospital when she had cut her wrists. Everyone in the family called her, but she wouldn't pick up. She cut them away like how she did to me, and sent them an email letting them know that she's okay, and to stop communicating with her. Ray tried the most for a whole week, calling fifteen times a day, but eventually he gave up.

I observed the sight of Ana wrapped in a white towel, her waxed legs catching my eye. Her hair was combed neatly and secured up in a formal twist, showing off her erotic neck. She popped the pill in her mouth and swallowed it along with large gulps of water. I watched her silently, taking in every action of her beautiful body. Ever since that day she hasn't spoken a word. Dropping the empty glass cup to the floor, she curled up and cried in self-loathing. I step towards her when she whimpered, hiccupping.

"Come here, Ana…" I whispered and got on the bed. She turned towards me and I kiss her forehead, removing the towel off her body and bringing her towards me.

"I want to die…please let me, Christian, I beg of you…" She cried and shook, her arm snaking around my waist. My heart twisted in pain. I closed my eyes and lean against her hair, my hand running up and down her back and the curve of her smooth behind.

"Don't say that, Ana. You have me…and I love you. Who cares if everyone knows, baby…you have me."

I look down at her and she stares back at me. Her sapphire eyes gleamed in the dark with moisture. My hands shook and my heart rate sped. I can't control myself. I want her too badly.

"I love you so much…" I hovered above her and kiss her feverishly, the salty taste of her skin and tears. My mind clouded with the desire to possess her.

"Christian," She whispered my name when I took her right breast in my mouth, sucking it hard and twirling the areola with my tongue. She moaned softly, closing her eyes and digging her fingers into my hair. I sit up and ripped my shirt apart, the buttons flying across her body. I removed my jeans and boxers whilst groaning when her inner thighs brushed over my hard crotch.

"I want to make you feel good," I say and brought the blanket over us. "Relax and feel."

I lick the pad of my thumb and reach down towards her clit, massaging it in circular motions. Her back arched and her face tightened with unbearable pleasure. I slid my middle finger inside and stretched, adding pressure and stretched more and more until I could fit all three digits tightly.

Holding my breath, I entered her slowly. She cried, reaching up for me.

"Hold on to me," I whisper, unable to hold back my tears also, which fell on her cheeks. She clawed my back when I thrust my hips all the way. Her body convulsed and she tightened around me. I nearly came.

I pump inside her harder and deeper, covering her body in hickeys and butterfly kisses. She gripped the sheets, her hair became undone which fanned out beneath her. She was still denying me. I can see the doubt, the madness in her eyes.

"Let's have a baby, Ana. I want a future with you; I want to raise a child with you!" I thrust into her again and she gasped, throwing her head back.

"Liar!" She screamed and came, her warm juices coating me.

"I want it!" I tell her and went faster, flipping over to have her on top. I grabbed her ass and pushed upwards, going fast, ignoring the cramp creeping up my thighs. I came as I watched her breast bounce, making me spurt hard into her womb.

I didn't want it. But if that'll bring her back to me, I'll do it. I'll do any fucking thing in the world to bring her back to me, to make her love me. I'm giving her what she wants, and in return, she'll be mine again. She moaned loudly and fell against me, tired, our heartbeats synchronized. I finally had her speaking again.

"After all this, you actually tried to persuade me into believing that you want a baby?" She spat turning away from me and retreating to the far side of the bed. "Fuck you, Christian Grey."

My hand subconsciously reached out towards her, but I pulled back and instead covered her with a sheet of blanket, and watched her breathe.

_**Ana's POV**_

For the past three weeks I was put on display for the whole world to laugh at. I didn't have the power to fight anymore. Just letting things happen around me seems easier. As I lay in bed after Christian had made love to me and blurted out the one sentence I swore I wouldn't hear as long as I live, my insides churned.

For the first time I thought Christian would open up to me the only way he knows how. I allowed him to touch me, to claim my body as his but he still didn't get it. It seemed as if he never will. Even after all this time, I shiver when I recall his every action, his kisses and delectable lips. I wanted a time machine to reverse back to those times when we were both actually happy, and didn't use sex as a weapon to fix our marriage again. I wanted us to be honest.

I got off the bed after an hour or two and dressed up before heading out, having Sawyer follow me all the way to Gideon's house. He opened the door before I even had the chance to knock.

I should have at least patted on some concealer. With all the dried up tears, puffy eyes and hickeys, I looked like crap.

"Hi, Gideon." I sigh, relieved that there's at least someone that I can talk to freely.

"What's wrong, Ana? Another argument with Grey?" He ushered me in while Luke waited out on the front porch, knowing that if Christian storms over here, it's his job to explain.

"I don't know what to do anymore!" I groan and sat across him, looking down to see papers cluttered over the desk. "Sorry, I didn't know you were busy."

He smiled, sitting across me, his legs crossed and his chin leaning on the heel of his hand as his elbow lay comfortably on the leather seat.

"No problem. I was getting bored anyways, and it's always nice to have you here."

"Thanks," I smile back.

"No offense, but you don't look good." He laughed and I roll my eyes, chuckling along. But then the laughter died.

"I know. I just…well, you saw the news." I pointed out and he nodded in understanding. "I'm ashamed to face my family and in-laws."

"You weren't ready to have a baby, Ana."

I scoffed. "I was ready. _He _wasn't." I stopped myself before revealing all my marriage problems to him.

"Grey…pushed you into abortion?" he questioned, his brows furrowed. I nodded and sat back on the loveseat feeling a headache coming through. His frown deepened, radiating pure disgust through the air.

"I don't have the right to tell you why, but yes…he did. And clearly I'm still stuck in a dilemma. I considered leaving him, but then, I can't because of some things that happened…let's say, the past."

He walked towards me and sat beside me, holding my hand in his. "I'm sorry you had to go through this, Ana."

His sincerity caught me off guard and I sobbed, covering my face with both my hands. I didn't know what to do anymore. I feel as if he was giving me no choice. If I chose to stay with him, I would basically turn into a robot. If I run away, he'll track me down. If I divorce him…well, he would definitely make sure that doesn't happen. For the first time in our whole relationship I hoped he would run off with some other woman and leave me alone.

Because I wasn't submitting to him, he's using my baby as a gambling object. I was disgusted. It wasn't until Gideon held me close that I realized how much all of this had affected me. I couldn't survive this heartache no matter how I looked at it. Christian wanted me all to himself and he went far enough to take my child away from me just for that reason.

"Gideon…I have to go…"

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" He asked me.

As soon as I opened my mouth to reply, the door slammed open, revealing a very violent husband standing there as if he was about to kill me.

"Come here, Anastasia."

Gideon stood up first and I followed after, standing behind him like a child afraid of the world.

"Don't you think she's had enough, Grey?"

"Back off, Cross. It's my fucking marriage." He spat and reached me in quick strides. I stumble back until I hit a wall.

"Christian…" I whimpered when I saw how animalistic he looked. He wasn't just angry like I've seen him before. This time, he was _insane. _

"I work like a dog to get you back. I did everything I could, Ana, EVERYTHING! And you went as far as to cheat on me with this fucker!?" He yelled, grabbing me by the arm.

Gideon grabbed my husband by his shoulder until they were both looking into each other. "Ana wanted a friend, Grey. And I was there for her," He looked up and down. "When you weren't!"

Christian threw back his fist and landed one square on Gideon's jaw. I cried reaching out for my only friend to only have Christian yank me back and pull me out of his house.

"Gideon!" I cry. He nodded, telling me to stay strong as he just did for me. He turned to Sawyer and spoke rapidly before sending him off; probably instructions on keeping me safe. My insides were twirling with nervousness as we reached our house.

"How long have you been fucking him?"

"I-I never did, Christian. Don't you dare accuse me of infidelity! I never cheated on you."

He snatched me by the shoulders and wrapped my hair around his hand before pulling it tight, making me face him eye-to-eye.

"Don't lie to me, Ana. I saw what I saw. He was holding you like…like he was in love with you. You deliberately let him touch you in the way only I can. You gave him the privilege that only I had!"

I scoffed. "Don't get too cocky, Christian. The reason why I let you make love to me was to let you open up to me. I wanted to know why you killed me."

"Shut up!" He hollered and bit my lips painfully before kissing me, sticking his wet tongue inside me and holding my head against him. My muffled cries increased by seconds and I kick him hard on the shin. We move up against the bookcase and with all my strength I threw him against it, multiple objects falling.

When I heard the familiar sound of pills rattling, Christian broke the kiss. He froze, his breathing labored as he looked down. I pick up a bottle and gasped when I read the label. My hand went over my mouth and I backed away from him. There was at least twenty orange prescription bottles that pooled around my feet. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was hiding this from me the whole time? He was hiding all this from me, his wife. I read the key words on the label again, just to make sure I wasn't imagining this.

"_**Borderline Personality Disorder…medication…Prescribed to…Christian T. Grey…1999…"**_


	17. Chapter 16

_**Thank you for the reviews! I'm sorry for taking so long to update. With all the writer's block and shopping going on I had no time. There was a big sale at Victoria's Secret and I couldn't resist haha! For this chapter I wanted to focus on the emotional healing for the couple. It would be nice to finally pull them out of the water and to let you all know, they are still very well in love. Marriage comes with a lot of problems, and the only way to get pass the pain, is moving forward and find a source of forgiveness (and it's not always sympathy). Well, enjoy the chapter!**_

_**By the way, this is a little short, but I promise I'll write a longer one next time.**_

"You're scared of me." I say and take a step closer to her, she didn't back away. Solemnly, her eyes roamed over the bottles of prescription pills that pooled around her pedicured feet.

She swallowed. "Why did you keep this away from me?"

"I didn't want you to think you married a madman. I knew I could control myself…and with you by my side, I was sure I didn't need these to wake up every morning. I'm not depressed, Ana. I'm happy. Especially after marrying you."

Her shoulders relaxed and I can see the evident guilt plastered onto her face. She's blaming herself for everything again. I married such a stubborn woman, so beautiful yet so dangerous to touch. Her fragile expression softened when I smoothed her hair from her temples and planted a chaste kiss between her groomed brows.

"Why didn't you take these just in case? What if something did happen to you? I don't…I don't understand this…"

"I had someone check the pills out for me in a laboratory. These are all placebos. My mental health was triggered by the events that happened around me, and I know that my psychiatrist from back then had believed I was getting better from all this. It wasn't until…I…I met Elena that I learned self-control through my BDSM lifestyle. She was able to teach me, and I was an eager student. Please understand, Ana, I had a rough childhood and you're making all the pain disappear every single day. I didn't want a baby because I was afraid to lose you… because you would choose the child over me."

Her brows furrowed and her breathing deepened. "Christian how could you think that? Jealousy over OUR baby? Do you even know how ridiculous this sounds?"

I closed my eyes. "I know, baby. But I realized my mistake and I want us to fix it. I didn't have the right to do that and I'll spend the rest of my life regretting the moment I made that decision. Please understand me, Ana. I have no excuse for what I did, and you can throw me around if you like but promise me that you'll soon be able to love me again?"

Her hands rub against the pads of my chest and she clawed the material over it. "Your control tendencies scare me. I appreciate the fact that you were able to give me the freedom to spend time with Gideon, I do! But…stalking me? Having security everywhere I go and going through my phone calls and emails is a sign of mistrust, not love. I will begin to love you when you show me that you are able to let go of this habit. If you love me, you would do this for me…wouldn't you Christian?"

My lips thinned and I found myself stuck in a dilemma. "Don't you understand you married one of the most powerful man in the world? I can move mountains with a snap, Ana. What if you get kidnapped? Raped? And I…what if I'll never get to see you again? It'll break me. You are my reason that I wake up every morning and face the world."

She cupped my jaw and run her thumb over my stubbles. "You can't think like this all the time. You know I'm always here for you…even when you hurt me." She whispered and looked down, biting her lips to calm her nerves.

This is when we draw the line. I can't live without controlling her, even if it's just a little. She likes it when I take charge in the bedroom, but it seems she treasures her freedom like any other living creature on earth. And for the first time I saw the whole picture on the main facts of why I married her. She was a woman who was unwilling to change no matter what. She was strong. I'm filthy rich, arrogant, stubborn, yet she was able to fight me with nothing but words. With her in the picture, I have to make things right even when I don't like it. Compromise. It takes two to love and trust. I don't know if I'm ready to go there, but then, it's not like I have a choice. I love her.

"Yes."

She looked back up at me, releasing her bottom lip as her mouth held agape. "What?"

"I'll…I'll try to do things your way b-because I love you. It's new to me and I'm going to make a lot of mistakes. I just want us to be happy again."

I was tired to fight and I knew she felt the same. For the first time, the corner of her lips tugged and she gives me a soft smile. Not her full happiness smile, but for now, I'll take what I can get.

"Then answer me. Did you even have the slightest feeling for the baby? Even just a small bit of love for little Blip?"

My gaze softened. "Of course. How couldn't I? But my love for you outgrew the baby's. Regretting something long enough made me realize how important it was to me. I denied it at first, but then…it was a part of you. And I had destroyed it."

I look down and at that moment, gave all I had with words that held meaning that wasn't portrayed before.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I'm sorry for everything."

_**Ana's POV**_

A door opened for me today. Rescued from the brink of divorce, I found a new part of our solution in Christian. Deep in my heart I love him too much to turn away. I didn't have anything to say. The placebo pills were proof that Christian was suffering at the same rate I was, except, he was living through this his whole life while I rarely faked a smile. He faked his happiness until he found me. I swallowed hard.

It wasn't fair of him to take my baby away from me. But he was scared. And I knew what if feels like to be frightened of the future that you don't even know how to act anymore. That day his mask cracked in half, and he feared for me more than anything.

Subconsciously, I run my hand over my womb and caught Christian's gentle gaze on where my hand is.

"I miss him."

He kissed my temple. "I know."

"I won't be able to forget him."

He kissed the apple of my cheek. "I know."

"I want a baby…but not before we come clean to everyone."

He sighed and kissed my lips, whispering against it. "I know."

"And you need to apologize to Gideon…because he helped me both as a friend and as a brother which means that he didn't deserve to be punched by you." I say, breaking our lips apart. His eyes were intense, burning with unfulfilled desire. He groaned, still jealous of our neighbor, but at least knowing that he would be the only person I would be able to love.

"I know." He smiled, his boyish grin appearing.

Then somehow through the time that passed, we were swinging gently from side to side and enjoying each other presence. With my head on his chest and his chin in my hair, he hummed our wedding song in a soft, baritone voice.

We were moving forward and the adrenaline of finding a source of happiness, made this day a lot better excluding all that happened earlier. Now that the stitches are secured, the healing process begins. We were together again, as husband and wife. And there was only one word that bonded us together, through hardships and mistrust.

'_**Compromise'**_


	18. Chapter 17

_**Thank you for the reviews! I know how all this forgiveness thing appeared out of the sudden but I promise you that Ana hasn't forgotten about the abortion. And Christian is still on the edge of his chair, begging for more attention from her. He's not off the hook just yet. I have no experience in relationships; I don't know how a husband and a wife act so I apologize if the aura is a little off. I'm sorry if the scenes don't turn out the way you expect it through my crappy mind. It would help if I get feedback on what may happen in the future or any other tips on what marriage feels like. After reading some reviews, I've decided to stir more drama into this story.**_

_**Enjoy everyone and as always, I love you! (Inspiration for this chapter: Loves4paws)**_

_**I'm sorry it took so long to update. I was reading The Fault in Our Stars by John Green so then I started a book blog so I was a little busy. This chapter will give a deeper look on Gideon and why he's so protective of Ana from Christian. **_

That night I had a staring contest with the ceiling. My heart thumped when I recalled what happened earlier today.

'_Compromise'_

That word sickened me and I felt like vomiting every single cell from my stomach. I compromised with a killer. I compromised with my husband…who has killed my baby. I slipped away from his warm unconscious body and made my way downstairs, wrapping a robe around me. Sawyer was working on paperwork when he sensed my presence and looked up, slightly surprised.

Out of the corner of my eyes I see Taylor sleeping on the couch with a book across his lap, his gun lying carelessly on the coffee table.

"Mrs. Grey, is there anything you need?"

I wrapped the robe around me tighter and looked out the window to see Gideon out on the beach, digging his toes in the sand.

"I'd like to go outside for some fresh air. Can you come with me?"

"It's rather late and you've had a rough day," He says softly, eyes full of compassion and understanding.

"Exactly. Just for a couple minutes, Luke…please?"

He smiled and nodded grabbing a coat and wrapping it around me before leading me out.

"Thank you," I whisper softly when I felt the first gust of wind brushing against my tear-streaked face.

I walked towards Gideon who looked back me. Halting mid-step, I observed his face and saw the bruise on his jawline. My heart ached and I squeezed the fabric over my heart.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to get you into this. I'm sure Christian regret pulling you into this problem."

He didn't smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture of a blonde woman around my age. She was smiling in her sleep, her naked body covered with a white linen bed sheet.

"I'm worried you will end up like her."

"What do you mean, Gideon?" I asked and stepped towards him, observing the picture with the light that came from his open doors.

"Her name is Eva Trammel. She was my wife, my soul…my everything. Do you want to know how I lost her?"

I looked up from the picture to see tears in his eyes, his Adams apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. He continued, knowing that I wanted to hear what he has to say. He chuckled darkly.

"I used to be just like your husband. I was possessive, jealous, and scared of losing her to some other person. Eva and I…" He sucked in a breath. "We were perfect for each other. But I ruined her one day when she told me she was pregnant."

My lips parted. Did he force her into abortion too? I froze on the spot and listened as his hands turned into fists.

"I wasn't happy but I forced myself to accept the fact because my love for her was too immense. We weren't ready to be parents, but just like always, we were going to get through this together and start a family."

He nibbled his lower lip and exhaled, eyes burning with buried fire. He used to be like my husband…the person that I trusted in this miserable event used to be like Christian Trevelyn Grey.

"But we started getting into fights more often. I controlled her every action, forced her to do things she didn't like just to win over her. Then she started seeing her ex, Brett Kline. I started to have doubts about whose baby it was. It was secretive of course but I spied on her and caught her one day when they were together in his apartment. She was seven months pregnant by then."

When he saw my shocked expression, he reassured me that she wasn't cheating on him, although that wasn't what he thought when he walked in their apartment.

He let out a throaty sob and look up, trying to hold himself together.

"I snapped and I…I slapped her, Ana. I didn't know my own strength and she fell and cried out but I was too focused on Kline that I barely even cared. I beat him repeatedly until he was unconscious; lying on the floor, face down."

I swallowed, horrified.

"When I turned around, my world crashed beneath my own hands. Eva was in pain, holding her stomach as she dragged herself away from me in a pool of blood."

I gasped.

_**Gideon's POV**_

My throat burned as I recalled the moments I lost the only woman I've ever loved. We were always together, through thick and thin, through everything. I wanted her to only look at me, to feel for me, to live for me…and she did. I was just too blind to see it.

The last person I want that happening is Anastasia Grey, the woman who resembled her in almost every way possible. Although she wasn't her, I grew fond of her like an older brother. I knew that Grey was a mirror image of me from years ago. I grew out of my shell, but he didn't; not yet. She didn't personally badmouth her husband and I see how much she loved him but at the same time, I knew the pain she was feeling.

He forced an abortion on her. It was different with me and Eva, but still, it came out the same way at the end. She'll end up broken beyond repair. It has been two long years since we saw each other. I couldn't track her down. She disappeared completely from my life as if she was just a fragment of my imagination.

I sat down on the sand and she mimicked me, eager to listen. I spoke through the most painful part of my life, the scene spread out before the sea in front of my eyes.

_**Flashback**_

"_EVA!" I yelled, reaching out for her. _

_Her shaky whimpers echoed in my ears when I reach her in quick strides. There was blood everywhere. _

"_N-no!" She cried out when she felt another wave of pain. "Get away from me!"_

_I scooped her up in my arms, digging my face in her neck. "I'm sorry, angel. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to! I swear! I thought…I thought…" I swallowed. _

_She winced and turned towards me. "You…of all p-people…destroyed the only hope I…I had."_

_I shook my head, grabbing a pillow off of the couch and placing it under her head. I removed my coat and draped it over her body before calling the ambulance. It would take forever for me to fetch a car. Eva's life and…our child's life were at stake. _

_My hands were shaking, my throat was tightening. We're going to lose him…we're going to lose our baby. _

"_Angel…" I cried kissing her tears away and pulling her onto me. She winced when she moved her body away from me. She was breaking into a cold sweat, her eyes hooded in pain and exhaustion. _

_Just as the loud sirens of an ambulance car rushed in front of the building, she slipped out of consciousness. I carried her out of the apartment, receiving shocked expressions from people who kept a safe distance from me; a man carrying his wife's bloody body. By the time she got to the hospital, the fetus was already dead, rotting inside her womb for the past ten minutes. _

_She was rushed into surgery and stayed unconscious for the entire night. _

_The next morning she woke up with a soft whimper. "Ace…"_

"_I'm here, angel. I'm here…" I whisper. _

_Her eyes widened immediately and she sat up, holding her now flat stomach. _

"_Where's my baby?" She asked me, and then screamed. "WHERE IS HE!?"_

_I was too shocked to respond. _

_She yanked the IV out of her arm and hopped out of the bed before I could reach her. Eva ran out, knocking over a tray of medical supplies. The nurses were looking her way and calling for authority. _

_She screamed whilst dragging her bloody arms along numerous trays, the needles and crash carts flying in one motion. She grabbed the surgeon that operated on her and pressed her against the wall. _

"_Please, tell me, where is he?" _

_She struggled when I caught her by the waist, knocking both of us on the floor. _

"_Eva!" I growled when she cried against my neck._

"_My baby…please save him!...He's all I have…" She sobbed and I roll her over, holding my hand up to the nurse who came towards her with a needle in hand, ready to inject her with a clear drug._

_I kiss her forehead and pressed her against me, just holding her as she clung onto me to let the realization kick in her system. He died…because of me. Because I accused her of infidelity, because I let my rage take over me and because I laid my hands on her in such a violent way. _

_When she finally calmed down, hiccupping, I carry her back onto her new bed and had an assistant set a new IV and strap her arms and legs down. I apologized for the damage and held her hand. _

"_He's gone, isn't he?"_

_I nodded, squeezing her cold fingers. "Yes."_

_She was discharged in two days. I brought her back to our house and took care of her day and night, working in the bedroom as much as possible to keep up with the stock market. It was tiring but there's nothing more important than the woman I love. Brett Kline was banned from stepping onto my property. I didn't want to see him and I was not in the mood to see his face. _

_She quit her job immediately, staying in our bedroom for one whole month. Each time I come in, she asks the same question._

"_He's really gone, isn't he?"_

_And every single time, I say the same thing. "Yes, angel. He is."_

_She doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep and when she does, it was less than two hours a day. She began losing weight and falling deeper into self-loathe, staring into a mirror and applying her red lipstick over and over again. _

_Then came the day when she sat at the edge of the bed, her face turned away from me. "You hit me."_

_My hands shook. "I didn't mean it, baby. It was a horrible thing for me to do to you…I was angry and I thought you cheated on me." I explained to her. "I love you, Eva."_

"_You HIT me." She repeated, her voice cracking. "You said you love me...but you hit me."_

"_Eva, no! I love you. It was a mistake, I didn't mean it! I love you!"_

_My phone rang and I ignored it as I focused my gaze on her. But it rang again, and again before I snapped and answered. There was an emergency situation in the Crossfire building. I had to go take care of it. Shit!_

_I lowered myself in front of her and kiss her gently. "You're the most beautiful woman in the world, Eva. You're everything to me. I love you so much and I want you to know that I would do anything for you; anything to make you happy again."_

_She paused and breathed deeply before turning towards me. She kissed me back and I felt my heart flutter like a teenage boy._

"_Okay, Ace."_

_I left her that day and worked as fast as I can in my office, the board meeting taking longer than I thought it would. There was an uneasy feeling in my gut as I head home. As soon as I opened my bedroom door, the walls closed in on me. I was alone with nothing but a letter and her marriage ring on top of my silk tie. _

_That day, the love of my life left me. _

_**Ana's POV**_

"Gideon…" I whisper, placing my hand on his arm, letting me know that I'm here for him.

He turned towards me, placing both hands on my shoulders and obliging me to look at him. I saw his mask fall for the first time since we met.

"I don't want you to end up like that, Ana. It's not my place to say such things to you and persuade you in your marriage, but I'm warning you that Christian and I came from the same blood. We're like twins. And if you love him somewhere in your heart, just understand that the price of being with him will be the biggest you'll ever pay. He'll come to understand soon how much he regret his actions, and I can see that he's fighting desperately to get you back just like I did with Eva. I want you to know that he's both the victim and the villain. We all make mistakes; big or small, they are life-changing. And I hope that you will be happy with him someday."

There was a long silence that passed between us. I look straight into his eyes and embraced him. "Thank you, Gideon. Thank you so much."

We pulled away after a moment and said our goodbyes while I hand him the photo back. He kissed my cheek and left as I held Luke's arm and walked back in.

"Are you okay?" He asked me.

I smiled, brighter than ever. "I'm fine, Luke. I just want to go back to sleep."

He went back to work and I went back to being Christian's wife. I hopped onto the bed and felt his arm wrapped around my waist immediately, groaning.

"_**We had a long way to go, but it was good to be back."**_


	19. Chapter 18

_**Thank you for your reviews! This chapter was inspired by the movie, Pretty Woman.**_

I lay conscious a couple mornings later with my eyes closed, breathing slowly to take in the pleasure of Christian's lips on my forehead. The floor to ceiling glass doors were open, letting in the golden sunlight directly onto our bodies which in fact gave us a shimmery glow and a sheet of radiating heat. I groan softly when he tucked me in tighter, his jugular vein resting on my cheek.

"Five more minutes…" he grunted. He's been saying that for the past hour and a half.

"Christian, can I ask you a favor?"

I can almost feel his mood darkening and I gulped, fearing that if I say something wrong it would create an awkward tension for us. He tensed.

"What is it?" He asked, his intense gray eyes roaming over my bare face with evident concern that I almost felt insecure about how I look.

"I was hoping we could…well, you know, do something…together?"

Exhaling in relief, he instantly relaxed and brush his thumb over my face while cupping the nape of my neck with his large, masculine hands.

"Perhaps we can go shopping for furniture and clothes?"

I didn't particularly enjoy shopping, but imagining sharing ice cream together and walking through shops hand in hand seemed like a great idea at the moment. We would have to start off slow. My wounds were barely healing, but it's getting there.

"That sounds great. Thank god I managed to save some money." I chuckled and he frowned. I gave him a questioning look.

"I gave you my card. You haven't used it yet?"

I shook my head knowing that Christian wanted to spoil me in every way possible.

"I don't have anything to buy and there's no need for new clothes anyways, I like my old ones…especially the plum dress I still haven't returned to Kate."

His mouth was set in a firm line as he shook his head. "Oh Ana, I literally have limitless income. It's surprising after all these months you still don't know the rich bastard you married." He smirked.

"But I didn't marry you for your money; I married you because I love you."

His eyes warmed and he pecked me on my nose, his hand rubbing up and down the curve of my waist all the way to the bottom of my hips.

"I'm glad." He grinned even wider and then closed his eyes. "Five more minutes,"

I laughed and punched his arm playfully.

_**A couple hours later**_

The car swiftly turned and parked under the mall. Christian stepped out and opened the door for me before taking my arm in his. I held onto him tightly, breathing deeply at the fact that this is the first time in a month since I have gone public. No paparazzi, no nothing.

Sawyer and Taylor followed behind us with their intimidating aura, both wearing a sharp black suit and a coat that hid their heavy guns. As soon as we stepped in the air-conditioned place I see a large row of designer stores. Armani, Dolce & Gabbana, Chanel, Coach, Louis Vuitton, Versace, and many more continuing onwards…everything looked expensive.

"Let's go here first; I'd like to buy you a new coat."

"But I already have one." I pouted and he chuckled.

"Limitless, baby…remember that."

I sighed and walked into a Dolce and Gabbana store with him. Immediately, I felt self-conscious as almost everyone in the store turned to look at us. Maybe the news of my abortion hasn't been cleared off yet; I cringed and Christian tightened his hold on me. An employee came up to us, offering tea and he made us sit contentedly in a leather chair. He snapped his finger and the ladies scrambled to get tea and treats for us. While I was feeling uneasy, my unaffected husband just sat back and relaxed, looking around the store.

When the man from earlier came forward towards us, Christian pointed to the rich fur coat hanging in the glass panes on the wall.

"I'd like to see that fur coat."

"Of course, sir. Would you like to see the whole collection?"

"Yes."

I took a sip of tea and turned towards him. "Christian…this is really…uncomfortable." I say as people dressed like a million bucks came in and out. I really did underestimate his lifestyle.

"Relax, baby" He murmured and kissed me and I saw Sawyer blush and Taylor elbowing him to look away. This was awkward but almost too amusing. I smiled and crossed my legs when he leaned towards me and brushed his thumb back and forth across my knee, a habit he had picked up during the months of our roller coaster marriage.

The man came forward and spreads out the coat for us to envy. He politely asked me to stand up and in one swift motion; the coat covered my body all the way down to my knees.

"This was wonderfully hand-made by the designer themselves. A beautiful coat always looks perfect on a beautiful woman," He smiled and I looked towards the floor to ceiling mirror and admired it.

"The patterns," I whispered and Christian ran his hand up and down the sleeve.

"It's made from the fur of a white tiger."

I shivered.

"Um, I'm afraid I'm not fond of fur." I say and he nodded in understanding, knowing that I find it disturbing to wear the poor animal's life around me.

I fell in love with the fifth coat I tried on which was deep sapphire blue on the outside and black silk layering on the inside. The cashmere fabric felt nice and cozy.

"We'll take one of each color," Christian demanded and I can see the older man's jaw hanging.

"Y-Yes, sir."

I turn towards him, giving him THE LOOK. He shrugged off and went to pay for it while I look around the store, running my finger over the black lace dress. I look back at Christian and watched him as he handed Taylor the bags and marched towards me, eyes twinkling with delight.

I can tell from the amount of bags that he's bought more things without me looking but I didn't point it out since I've never seen him this happy for such a long time.

His hand went to the small of my back and pushed me into another store as I turn my head to ask him.

"Answer me honestly, Christian, how much was it?" I bore my eyes into his.

"A penny." He joked and pushed me into Victoria's Secret. Oh great…

"I'm so going to enjoy this," he smirked, unaware of a fairly attractive female employee eyeing Christian up and down, giving him the "fuck me now" look. I didn't stay long in there since Sawyer looked as if he might have a heart attack, bumping into rows of brassieres and walking around with a tomato-red face as he saw the fancy thongs.

Christian bought me a floor-length red silk nightwear with slits that reached up to my upper thighs at the sides. I picked out a crème colored lingerie and another with black and white lace. As I headed out I bumped into a woman who I immediately recognized.

"Eva Trammel?" I asked out loud without thinking.

Her blonde hair swayed when she turned to look towards me. She looked unhealthy with bags under her eyes and her incredibly thin physique wrapped in an old trench coat. I felt sorry for her knowing the things that Gideon told me about.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" She asked, her voice soft and barely audible.

I considered lying at first, but my mouth didn't listen. "I'm…I'm a friend of Gideon Cross. I'm Anastasia Grey."

She swallowed and I can see her eyes tear up. "He told you about me?"

I nodded and she looked down. "Please don't tell him that I'm here. I hope you understand, Anastasia." She pleaded and I held my hand to my chest. "Of course, Eva…but he's still madly in love with you. I hope you know that."

"I do," she whispered and turned away from me, heading out to the elevator.

"Who was she?" Christian asked and I leaned towards him for support.

I could have been in her place. One month ago I would have left my husband for good and hid myself away from him, divorce him, leave him all by himself. My body shook and he must have noticed since Christian squeezed my hand. We dropped the question.

We went into Armani afterwards to buy Christian a suit as I push the thoughts back to just breathe and enjoy the evening. I picked out a charcoal colored three piece suit with a pair of black diamond cufflinks that I just found out were actual jewelry. We were given privacy in a spacious room for him to dress as Sawyer and Taylor guarded the door outside.

"What do you think?" He asked me, straightening out his jacket.

"Just one more thing." I say as I went on my toes and wrapped a mahogany silk tie under his collar.

He was too tall and was caught unbalanced as we fell towards the mirror with his hands against it, caging me in. The silence was caused by the arousal we felt, knowing that he was still as unsure of my mental status as I was. I was afraid to touch him, and so was he. He kissed me immediately with infinite tenderness, reaching beneath my long floral dress to cup my sex and massage it. I surrendered to his touch as he groaned to find me so vulnerable.

"You're beautiful." He whispered as I closed my eyes. I sucked in a breath.

Tickling me with his rough stubbles against my neck, I arched my back, pressing myself against him when suddenly there was a knock. I pushed myself off of him and straightened my dress.

"Is it too tight, sir?"

"I'd like for you to pack the other suit and I will take this one as well." Christian answered before dressing back up in his regular clothes. It felt strange for me to undress him although I have done it a thousand times.

By the time we were done shopping after getting a cup of gelato for all of us to enjoy, the thoughts came back to mind. He must have noticed since he grabbed my hand and turned me towards him.

"You've been zoning out since you've met that woman."

"I know, I'm sorry…she was someone that Gideon told me about."

"He can take care of his own problems, Ana. I'd like to see you a little less stressed."

I smiled and cupped his jaw. "I know, Christian, I know."

He kissed my fingers and I leaned towards him as our house came into view a few minutes later. The difference of the scene was the fact that not only was the front door open,

_**But there stood my father, Ray, with tears streaming down his face. **_


	20. Chapter 19

_**Thank you for the reviews! I'm so sorry for not updating for such a long time! I had to battle with my counselor for my school schedule and I have so much shopping to do and books to read to get my mind ready again. Summer has been so short. I love you all and I appreciate the patience. This is not a very important chapter, but it's filling in some great details for the future. Enjoy!**_

Jumping out the car, I ran towards Ray and embraced him. "Daddy!" I cried and held him tightly just as he did.

"God…what did he do to you, Annie?" He sobbed and pulled away from me to glare at Christian whom came forward with a stoic expression. He was like a marble statue, unmoving but with a fury of emotion behind his eyes.

"Hello, Ray." My husband said and reached his hand forward. I can see Taylor and Sawyer sneaking up behind him just in case.

"You bastard!" Dad lunged towards him and tackled him to the ground, throwing numerous punches to his angular jaw. "You. Destroyed. My. Daughter!"

In my entire life I've never seen him so angry, so _dangerous, _so…_upset_. It was almost too shocking to be true. I came towards him and encircled my arm around his waist to pull him back as Taylor reached to help his boss.

"Daddy please listen to me." I beg into the salty smell of his fresh linen shirt.

"I don't want to hear it. You're packing your bags and coming with me back to Seattle."

I froze on the spot. All this time I've always wanted to get away from Christian and breathe, but when it came down to the real decision, I was stuck in a strange dilemma.

"He's my husband." I defended and my inner goddess shot me an _are-you-fucking-kidding-me _look. Why would I defend a person who ripped a baby out of my stomach? He's good-looking, rich, and a monster in bed but would I sacrifice my happiness for that? No, no I wouldn't. But then, seeing that earnest look on his face always had me crawling back for him. I was too confused to even breathe whenever I was in the same room with him.

My mind clouded with a million thoughts as Christian arranged the wrinkles in his suit and came towards me, grabbing my waist and pulling me towards his tall figure. He seemed unaffected even though the bruises looked bad enough to break a few bones.

"I'm willing to take responsibility for the tragedies I have cost her, sir. Ana is my wife and I would do anything to make her happy and…I can't let her go." He choked out.

"Dad…don't worry, I-I'm fine." I whisper as he also picked up the habit of pacing back and forth, muttering words under his breath.

"You got an abortion, Ana…you committed suicide! And here you're telling your father not to worry! I'm fucking worried these past weeks and dying to see if my little girl is okay or at least eating three meals a day!" He yelled, his blood-shot eyes piercing through me like a laser beam.

Tears streamed down onto the floor and I hid my face away from Ray feeling dizzy with all the noises, the shouting along with loud crashes of waves making me feel nauseous. I ran out of my medication and adding to that, I went shopping today. In less than a second my knees fell weak and I fell onto the floor.

The consequences of not being able to digest food properly have dawned upon me.

My ears were ringing and out of the corner of my eyes I see a wave of blonde hair, Eva, holding a small black haired baby, walking towards Gideon's house.

_**Gideon's POV**_

I heard the soft knocking on the door and felt a crackle of electricity past through me for some reason as I got up from my slumber on the couch and move toward it. Upon opening the door, the sight of the love of my life took the last breath away from my lungs.

"Long time no see…Ace." She said and I almost didn't notice the little boy who was tugging my black dress shirt. She's married with a child? My dreams and hopes crushed under the weight of all helplessness as I watched her hold the bundle tighter.

"Come on, Ace, say hello." She tells the toddler as I stayed glued on my feet.

Ace? Before my brain can function, his head turned towards me, shocking me with his vivid blue eyes identical to mine, nodding his head towards me as his blushed cheeks darkened even more. This was my child.

I pulled both of them towards me and held them tightly. "Angel…I've never stopped loving you."

"I'm sorry, Gideon. I just…I just had to see you today. I couldn't bear it any longer." She whispered onto my neck. Her hot breath against it was intoxicating. I was _obsessed, addicted, possessive, _and _feral_ at this moment. My hands shook in need to see her bare and panting with heat beneath me, in need of feeling those slender fingers travel over the most intimate places of my body.

"I'm…his dad…right?" I ask. The thought of another man making love with her would drove me insane. I would have ended up in an asylum if I ever saw a bastard kissing her lips.

"Yes…you are. I'm sorry I-"

I closed her lips with mine and felt her body shiver in remembrance of our life two years ago when it was full of adventure and happiness. Right now a second chance appeared in front of me along with a child I have no idea existed. I should have had better PI's following her. All I did was hack her cellphones, security cameras and computer just in case; and not even once did I see her with Ace or her pregnant body. I guess he was probably a premature baby or a just a small one judging by how small he is.

"I'm just glad to have you back, Angel. And we…we need to talk about Ace." I say as I hesitated slightly in petting his hair. He clung onto Eva like that's the only thing keeping him alive. We were basically identical, except for the size of course. I can never doubt that this isn't my baby. He's perfect in every way with Eva's nose and her pouty lips.

I led them upstairs to the balcony and sat them down on a comfortable red sofa. She smiled at the color, remembering how much the color red had brought us so many memories.

_**Christian's POV**_

My heart dropped the same time Ana did. Ray reached for her and rolled her over. She was panting hard; her eyes drooped as she then fainted from fatigue, her eyes shedding the last couple of tears.. Too much emotional stress wasn't good for her. Scooping up in my arms, I let Sawyer get the door as I hurried her towards our bedroom and tuck her in. Ray stood not far behind me, staring intently at my actions in taking care of his only daughter.

We went back into the living room to discuss about the latest news about Ana's well-being. She was physically fine, but mentally distressed to the point of madness. I could understand her. I was in that same position too…and I still am. No matter what, I'm not giving up on her, not even to her own father. I know I can take care of her well and I know the mistakes I would be repaying to her as long as I live.

Sitting on the leather sofa, he glared at me, ready to pounce on me at any moment.

"Your family was able to dig up information behind her abortion. Christian…did you…really force her?"

My hands shook and I gulped tensely. My back started to sweat as I gritted my teeth. For the first time in my life I was afraid of another man, a man who couldn't control me but could bring me down to hell with a couple words.

"…I did…but it was more than _just _an abortion sir, I-"

He got up and held his hand up to his forehead. "I'm taking her back with me immediately. Or I will sue you for every penny you've got for murdering her baby against her will, Christian Trevelyn Grey."

I stood up. "Then sue me. I would exchange everything I have to keep her by my side. I love your daughter, sir, and I will do anything to keep her happy. There's a perfectly good reason for my actions, I can assure you that."

He scoffed. "And what is your so called reason for having a baby ripped out of my innocent daughter's body?"

"I was abused as a child." I blurted the simplest sentence I could say.

Silence.

For minutes, no one moved a muscle, not even Sawyer who was fidgeting earlier. Taylor turned away awkwardly and Ray just stood there unmoving, his eyes bulging out of his sockets.

"Y-You…a…abu…" He stuttered and turned away, silent.

I sat back down on the couch and after a couple of breaths later; he came back towards the same spot he sat down earlier.

"Is she…how is she handling the loss?" He started.

"She's working hard to get back to the way she was before but…but I know she's handling well. Ana understands me." I stated, confidently.

He nodded and looked out the window, unable to speak about the most vital piece of my life I had just exposed.

_**Eva's POV**_

I smiled to myself as I saw mini Ace on Gideon's lap, sleeping soundly.

"Gideon…" I whisper and see his head snap up towards me. "I love you."

His flashed me a 100 kilowatt smile and bit his lips like a giddy teenager. "Crossfire, Angel."

My heart melted but then a dark cloud radiated inside me of the word I grown so…strange to. Noticing my discomfort he reached towards me and grabbed my hand.

"Eva?" He asked and I looked away. Crossfire…it was the word I had written on his tie the day I left. It was my safe-word to tell him when things get too crazy for me…but for him it was the word that gave me all his love. He waited all these years for me and even if I did the same, I knew that he was hurt as much as I was.

I may have lost the baby, but I had to understand that he cared for it even more than a father ever should.

"I tried my hardest to hate you, Gideon." I say, leaning on his hard biceps. "You won't let me escape…even when we were thousands of miles away."

"…Why did you come back…when all you did was try to forget me?" His voice resonated from deep within his chest. I can clearly hear the sadness and desperation.

"You were everywhere…and everyone knows you. A woman named Anastasia saw me at the mall today and she recognized me. I thought…I thought she was your new lover at first before I saw her husband behind her. I thought you've already forgotten about me and my jealousy and curiosity got the best of me."

He grabbed me and kissed my shoulder possessively. "Never. I'm not ever going to let you out of my sight."

"Ace…"

He kissed me with so much need and passion it was too overwhelming. The heat from his skin and the feel of his strong jaw in the cup of my hand was raw with masculine flesh. He broke apart only to pick up our baby and move him towards a bedroom near ours.

"It's not soundproof…so if he needs us, we'll know." He whispered. I smiled as he tucked him in and kissed his little forehead before moving towards me closing the door behind us quietly. He pushed me into another bedroom which I presume was his. He wasted no time in unbuttoning my blouse.

"_**My angel…"**_


	21. Chapter 20

_**Thank you for the reviews everyone! Mwah!**_

As I woke up from my slumber, the first thing I heard was my dad's shouting in which Christian replied in a calm, but controlling voice. From what I've heard, it seems that Ray is taking me back home. Home. The place that I once called home felt so…strange, so foreign. I loved Seattle, but it felt too traumatizing to go back. Looking around my room, I shut myself away from the outside world for a while. Christian is trying hard to get the old Ana back, but she died, disappeared from this life. Slipping my wedding ring off, I lifted it up to the sun and saw the words engraved on it.

_Given with all my love, Christian_

I placed it back on and sighed. Needing to breathe, to get away from this life, to get away from all the voices that haunted me I paced around the bedroom. Facing the mirror on the vanity, I saw a different woman. She had dark circles under her eyes; her skin was a pale sheet of paper just covering her bones. I turned away and walked up to the balcony.

'_Jump, Ana. I know you want to do it. Just let yourself fly and be free…jump.'_

I shook my head. No…get out of my head! Not that voice again. Fisting my hair I look around me. I have to get out of here or else I'll go insane. Or else I'll be stuck in an eternal circle of misery. At one point I took a step forward and slowly climbed up the railings, my feet perfectly balanced. The urge to jump was greater than ever.

Then…it happened. Christian was on the other side of the door, knocking.

"Are you awake, Ana?"

Caught by surprise, I my left foot slipped and I screamed bloody murder.

"ANA!?" He hollered and ran in to see me hanging on to the balcony for dear life. Hanging on…for life. In truth, I don't want to die…it was too scary.

"TAYLOR, GET IN HERE!" He yelled, his face a mask of pain, distress, and worry. Taylor rushed in and pulled me up along with him. Christian held me and cried.

"Oh god…Ana…oh my god…y-you could've," he sobbed and I fisted his shirt. Will I ever get out of this?

When he finally stopped, I saw Ray looking equally shocked. My husband held me tightly, like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, as the metaphor goes.

"Were you…trying to jump, Ana?"

I could have asked the question to myself. I replied with the only thing I can say for now, at least to ease the worries out of everyone, "It was an accident."

And of course, no one believed me. The railing was at least three feet tall and it was unlikely that I didn't casually slip my foot off of it. After about a couple moments of awkward silences later, Christian spoke.

"I think…I think we should spend some time apart from each other."

And at that time I didn't know why it sounded as if he was letting me go…giving up on me. Wasn't that what I wanted all along? It seemed like it, but now, I felt him slipping away from me further and further.

"You're giving up on me," I whisper, backing up from him. I did trust him in fixing out relationship. I wanted us to work one day or another. But our baby's death still hung between us like a barrier. It was the obsession of feeling a loss that I've succumbed to, not to my husband.

He shakes his head. "No, baby…no. You…you need a break away from me, away from all this," he waved towards the extravagant bedroom. "I'm sorry, Ana. I was too selfish…I didn't want you to go. I was afraid of losing you again. But now I see that rather than losing you forever…I'll let you go now."

'_You should have jumped Ana. Now look what you did to the people around you,' _a voice in my head whispered. Even for the first time, I saw Taylor's eyes water. My dad stayed quiet, unmoving with his brows furrowed.

"…Seattle," I said and Ray stared straight into my eyes, repeating it. "Seattle."

Christian got up, avoiding everyone's gaze and silently walked out of the room, into oblivion.

_**Christian's POV**_

Inside, I was brewing with anger, not at Ana, but at myself for being so stupid, for being such a bastard, blinded by what I wanted to possess. When I saw her hanging by her small hands, I lost it. She must have thought there was no reason to live. Our baby's death was still affecting her, and I was nothing but a painful memory for her to endure. It ripped me from inside out as it did to her.

Walking towards my office, I closed the door and locked it. At last, I was alone. No more of her sweet voice telling me dinner is ready, or that she wanted to kiss me, feel me…letting me have her. I walked towards my desk and sat on the leather chair where I rule the world. I was no longer a ruler; I was just a man with a broken heart. A picture of Ana sat silently on the corner of my desk. I run my fingers over her pale, smiling face. My princess has finally escaped from the dungeon. Then, with a small motion, I knocked it off of the polished furniture, and onto the carpet.

I didn't know how much time I spent, looking at her picture on the ground, but when a knock on the door sounded, I knew that my worst nightmare was coming true.

"Christian?...I'm…I'm going now…" She said and waited. I didn't get up instead; I spun the chair until it was facing the opposite side. "Christian?" She called, yet again. I bit the inside of my cheeks and fisted my hair. I can't do it. I can't see her…if I do…I will want to possess her again, and keep her locked in here for eternity to fulfill my disgusting fantasies. The thought of it sounded tempting.

She waited for a minute before her footsteps began to fade away, and I was left in the pit of my own desolation.

"She's leaving, sir." Taylor reminded me and then excused himself.

Slowly, I lifted myself off the chair and run towards the bedroom. The urge to see her eyes was suffocating me. My life depended mainly on her existence.

_**Ana's POV**_

My uneven breathing was further noticed by Ray who stacked the suitcases on the back of his car. I keep staring back at the house and then back towards the wheels. Should I leave him? I knew he was going to have nightmares again and the most frightening thing for both of us was that we have no idea where our marriage stands. We were both trying to fix a mistake that shouldn't even exist in the first place.

"Do you want to go back to him, Annie? Because if you do…then I can't force you to come with me. You'll be unhappier." He rubbed my shoulder and patted my back. "I want to do what I can to help you."

I gave him a sad smile. Something struck my heart when Christian wouldn't even say goodbye. I felt like we were actually going our own ways without looking back. Taylor and Sawyer hugged me, telling me that if I ever needed a place to stay, Mrs. Jones is available. The whole time my eyes traveled towards the grand mahogany door, numbed, to watch his concerned actions one last time.

"Let's go, dad." I whisper and got on the passenger's seat. I looked up one last time and caught Christian's gaze, his hand pressed against the glass panes, tears falling.

"I love you," he mouthed towards me in which I held my hand up to show the ring that bonded us together.

"Me too," I said and he gritted his teeth.

'_It's for the best. Spending some time and enjoying a moment of freedom is just what I need. It worked for Eva and Gideon…it should work for us.' _I thought to myself, reminding myself to call Gideon and explain my departure.

I pulled the strap of my seatbelt and secured it. The car made a U-turn and moved forward, Christian's silhouette disappearing by every ticking sentence. Not even an hour yet and I was already missing him. He may have done the most crime but I married him because I love him. It's so hard for me to accept what happened these past weeks.

"We're going to stay at a hotel for a couple days to make sure your plane ticket is ready and make phone calls, especially to your mother. She has been very worried about you and I'm sure your in-laws were feeling the same."

I closed my eyes and leaned against the door. "I don't know what I'm feeling now, dad…I can't…I can't comprehend it. My whole body aches. It feels like I've been wringed out and left for dead."

Ray shook his head. "I'm going to make sure you get the help you need. It's not my place to tell you what to do in your marriage, but you're my daughter and your safety is my top priority. Christ Ana…it's been all over the news."

I sighed, knowing the abortion and the suicide events are all exposed for the world to see. "I know."

We arrived at a decent hotel and checked into our rooms. I made the first phone call to Gideon, who shared his own opinion in my situation but nonetheless, respecting my actions. We spoke about Eva for a while and I congratulated him on his new baby; a baby that has a loving father and a beautiful mother, a baby that I will never have. I dreamt every day of a little girl playing with flowers in a field and another boy about the same age, climbing up a tree as I scolded him in worry. I never realized being a parent was this important to me.

"Your mother has been speaking about you non-stop. We're going to schedule an appointment with a therapist, only if you are willing to go. Grace and Carrick agree with my suggestion, but it's up to you."

I nodded, scraping my nails against each other. "Okay."

Taking out his laptop, he sits beside me and placed a quick kiss on my temple, making sure I'm calm for the next step towards salvation.

"_**I'll book the quickest flight back to Seattle, Annie, and take good care of you."**_


	22. Chapter 21

_**Thank you for the reviews! I'm so sorry for not updating for a long time AGAIN! I know it's tiring and I deeply apologize for that but I'm extremely busy since I'm starting school again. There are so many things to do and I'm stuck in a difficult position so please forgive me! I'm trying up update it piece by piece by 30 minutes per day is totally not enough, even without my sleeping time. This is a short chapter, but I promise to right more. Oh well, Enjoy!**_

_**Christian's POV**_

It's been four days since Ana left. Right now she was on her way back to Seattle…and I was on the route to self-destruction. Two bottles of alcohol, broken glass, and broken furniture adorned what once was OUR bedroom. Ana…my sweet, innocent Ana. She was supposed to be mine, but now I was faced with hallucinations with her arms around Ethan or Jose's neck. What if she fell in love with them and forgot about me? What if she finds that there are men who are willing to take care of everything she needs? What if she…left me?

I shook my head, fisting my hair and rolled over on the floor. That's not possible; she wouldn't do that to me, her husband. But Ana didn't marry me for my money or reputation. She stared deeply into my soul, and loved it like her own. I couldn't repay her with anything after all she's done for me. I lay my hands out in front of me to observe the shards of glass sinking into its despicable flesh. These are the hands that made love to her, and at the same time, killed her. I ripped our baby out from her humble body. She didn't deserve that. She never did.

I curled in a ball and begged to god for a short nap. My eyes were reluctant to close and I was faced with madness and toe-curling thoughts.

"Ana…come back to me, baby. I beg of you…" I whisper expecting a response out of thin air.

There was no reply.

_**Ana's POV**_

Ray noticed me excusing myself to the bathroom since we boarded the plane. I keep checking my phone to see if Christian would call, or even Taylor and Sawyer to give me an update on how he was doing. It's been two hours already and we're nearly half-way through the flight. Being away for the first time from him in months felt unreal to me; like I was in a dream unable to wake up. But I knew Ray was right, I do need time away from him. Maybe deep inside, he needed that too. I probably just didn't realize it.

When I excused myself for the umpteenth time, dad stopped me and faced towards me.

"Are you feeling sick, Annie? Do you need a blanket?" He asked me.

I stood frozen when he caught me red-handed. "Um… no. I-I-"

"Listen to me, sweetheart. You need some time away from him. You're hurting and I can see that…how long did you think you can keep pretending you're happy anyways? I'm getting the help you need, and so will he. Then we can think about what happens to your marriage."

My hands clenched.

"You mean divorce?" I say with a tremble.

Realizing what he blurted out, I quickly retreated back to the corner of my large chair.

"Annie, I didn't-"

"Yes you did, Dad!" I choked out, my tears falling freely. I know I'm supposed to hate him, but a marriage with him felt like something I would never find no matter how much I search. It's like my teenage years again. Falling head over heels with one man, and with that, every fucked up problems with your parents and your changing body disappear in thin air.

With nothing more to add, he sat on the furthest area of his chair, and kept silent, sweeping the floor with his far-away gaze.

A couple hours later I was met with Ethan, standing tall with a black coat and messy bed hair. It was barely 3 AM and I knew how much he treasured sleep. I appreciate his concern for me. Smiling, he took me in his arms and kissed my cheek before tightening his hold.

"Welcome back, Ana. "

I inhaled the fresh scent of his shampoo and walked hand in hand towards Ray who went to get our baggage. Of course, Ethan helped me carried my bag; he's always a gentleman. We walked silently towards the taxi and drove straight to my house. It feels like I left Seattle for such a long time that I don't even remember how much things changed in the span on a couple weeks.

And then my phone ring, it's from Taylor.

"Hello?" I said after picking up. I hear screaming in the background and glass breaking. Oh god, what did Christian do this time?

"Ana! You- FUCK!" He said and I feel Ethan's thumbs on my face, wiping my tears away as I yell into the phone.

"I'm sorry to ask you this, but Mr. Grey needs you. I need you to come back to New York right away. He just suffered a severe stroke and I've already dialed for ambulance. Mr. Cross is also helping to speed things up. Please, Anastasia, I know what he's done to you…but I hope you can work things out with him. He's desperate!"

"Okay, Taylor. I'll be there in no time." I said and hung up the phone before ordering the driver to turn around.

"Annie, what are you doing!?" Dad groans as he rubs his eyes in frustration.

"I'm sorry dad, but I…I have to be there for Christian. He just suffered from a stroke and I need to be there for him."

"He was only there for you when he killed your baby against your will!" He snapped.

I know I was being irrational, but right now, my world is spinning at a hundred miles per hour and I have to head back for my husband. I love him too much to be away.

"I'm sorry Dad…and I'm sorry Ethan. I don't mean to worry you guys." I say. He shakes his head and pats my head. "No need, Ana. Do what you have to do. Just know that I'll be right here when you need me."

I offered him a sad smile and then stepped out of the taxi as it was parked back in front of the airport. I grab my bag and wave them bye as I run inside. My dad was disappointed in me, I know that look in his eyes anywhere. I run up to the counter and slammed my hands on the surface.

"I need the earliest flight back to New York, NOW!"

_**Christian's POV**_

I'm sinking into the ocean inch by inch. It was getting harder to breathe, harder to blink, or even think. In my eyes I see Ana's beautiful face, her pale skin covered in a sheet of sweat as she lay under me, bared to me. She looks up at me between her long black lashes and smiles from her rosy lips.

"I love you, Christian Grey…"

I opened my mouth to reply, but then everything became distorted and I end up standing in the middle of nowhere with a little toddler at my feet, playing with stuffed animals. The little boy had curly copper locks like mine and he turned towards me to reveal the color of his eyes that matched Ana's.

Then I see Ana's bloody body sliding across the floor towards the baby. I look down to see I was holding a knife and moving my way towards the baby. Oh god, I can't control what my body was doing. With one swift motion, I stabbed the giggling baby boy, until it made no sound. Ana finally reached him and then cradled him in her blood stained arms.

"No…my baby…" She cried and faced me, pointing her finger right at my face. "MURDERER! YOU FILTHY LOW LIFE. GET OUT OF HERE! I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU CHRISTIAN GREY!"

Another blink of light and I fall completely into darkness.


	23. Chapter 22

_**Thank you for the reviews! And no, Taylor wasn't cursing at Ana. He was dealing with Christian at the same time and it was frustrating him.**_

_**Song used in this chapter: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol**_

_**Christian's POV**_

My head was pounding, and every muscle of my body was sore as I felt a gentle caress under my jaw. Delicate fingers trailed from my unshaved face down to my chest where a hand protected my heart. I opened my eyes to see Ana's devastated face staring back at me.

"Ana…" I smile, reaching my shaking hand towards her face. I ran my thumb over her trembling lips and wiped her tear stained cheek. She cares about me. My Ana cares about me. "Don't cry, baby…don't cry."

"…Y-you almost died." She sobbed.

I hushed her and moved over despite the waves of pain running through my body. She removed her shoes and crawled up beside me and I inhaled the sweet vanilla scent from her neck. Ana turned towards me and cupped my jaw, running her thumb under my eyes, over my cheeks, and over my ears.

"Please don't leave me, Ana…" I beg her, encircling one arm around her waist and securing her position beside me. "I'll give you all the treatment you need…but I want you with me every day. I can't breathe without you; I'm nothing without you."

She kissed my jaw and dug her legs under the blanket onto mine where I felt her soft skin for the first time in days. I knew how horrible I looked, and knew how much it would affect her. If only I could have woken up before she came to prepare myself, she wouldn't look at me with those sad, guilty eyes. It wasn't her fault. It never was. I had the whole world in my hands, and I took it for granted. I will never be able to forgive myself for how it destroyed the most precious person in my life.

"I'm sorry, Christian."

I nuzzle my nose against her cheek. "Don't, Ana. It's not your fault."

She sighed and kissed my shoulder. "When we get home, let's take a nice, warm bath and I can cook a nice meal for you-"

I shook my head, my heart racing. "No!" I said a little too loudly and she flinched, her eyes filled with pain and confusion.

"Christian, I-I just-"

"No, Ana. Promise me you won't step inside that house again. You can't go in there…please. I don't want you to see what I've done."

Her lips thinned and she looked away. A gasp escaped me as I knew that she has already looked inside that cursed house. She saw what I was capable of, and now she's going to leave me. Ana will see me as a monster for the rest of her life.

"A-Ana…baby, don't leave me. Please, don't run for the hills. I promise I'll take care of you a-and I'll give you everything you want; a family, a-a company, my whole life." I cry my body trembling again.

She shook her head. "Hush, fifty. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here with you. We can have Taylor arrange a suite for us, okay? I'm not leaving."

_**We'll do it all…everything. On our own.**_

_**We don't need anything…or anyone**_

_**If I lay here, if I just lay here**_

_**Would you lie with me and just forget the world?**_

I release the breath I've been holding and closed my eyes until a nurse came in and fixed me a new IV needle. I ripped mine off when I held Ana in my arms.

"I'll be back, okay? I need to use the washroom."

I nod, and watch her leave, counting her footsteps.

_**Ana's POV**_

I stumble into the bathroom down the hallway and locked the door behind me. Sliding my back down the door, I buried my face in my hands and cried. Seeing Christian like this broke me in pieces. According to Taylor, he destroyed the beach house under the influence of alcohol, and fell down multiple flights of stairs which led to a bleed in his brain. He had a severe stroke then. I talked to the surgeon and made sure to get every drop of information out of him, just in case my stubborn husband was hiding anything.

I dug in my purse and took out makeup supplies and fixed my red, puffy face before heading back. Taylor was already there with a bag in hand.

"Where are we going?"

"To The St. Regis New York hotel. We're getting out of here."

"You just had surgery!"

He reached me with quick strides and kissed my forehead. "I have emergency staff just in case anything happens. Don't worry, baby, it's been twelve hours and I'm sure everything will be fine."

"It's not safe."

"It is, Ana. It is. Come on, let's go."

He was already changed into his casual dark jeans and a black button down shirt. I reluctantly followed him to the grand hotel where Taylor led us to our suite. It was spacious and decorated in a vintage or Victorian style that brought out the romanticism of the room.

_**I don't quite know how to say…how I feel**_

_**Those three words are said too much…they're not enough**_

_**If I lay here, if I just lay here**_

_**Would you lie with me and just forget the world?**_

Taylor stayed at another suite below us, just in case. I drop my Louis Vuitton bag on the couch and unbutton my dress. Christian watched me with glazed eyes as I lead him into the bathroom. The bathtub was already filled with warm water and rose petals floating on cloud-like foams, filling the tub with a bittersweet fragrance. He stripped down quietly and I helped him lay comfortably in the water, with him lying on top of me facing the opposite direction as I straddle his waist from behind.

His head was wrapped with clean gauzes and I was careful not to get it wet. There were wounds all over his body, each a different color. I trailed my fingers over the hard abdomen and up towards his chest. Christian closed his eyes and threw his head back where his thick, soft hair tickled my breasts.

"Does it hurt when I touch you?"

"No. It feels nice." He rolled over and kissed my lips feverishly. The water sloshed back and forth and I pull him against me to see his tired features.

"Do you want me to shave you?" I ask him and place kisses on his stubbles.

He nodded and I went to the toiletries cabinet, grabbing a lubricant gel and a razor. I sat on the edge while his head lay between my legs as he looks up. Christian smiled, remembering the times I used to do this for him and what he would do with me afterwards with his talented mouth. I dragged the razor downwards and rubbed my feet against his sides to soothe him. I scooped clean water in my hands and wiped away the rest of the foam on his face before nuzzling under his smooth neck.

There was no escape from him, and he left me no choice but to love him. And I did, no matter the situation. My mother's words echoed inside me.

"_We are born a woman, Ana. It's never simple."_

_**Christian's POV**_

I felt clean again, and a million times better after the bath. We drained the tub and ordered room service. I couldn't help but look at her smooth, amazing body. The small patch of stretchmark on her left hip will always remind me of the chance of happiness I lost. A baby…I wanted one now. I wanted a life with her, not just a relationship with two people endlessly fucking without feelings. She helped me up and wrapped a white silk robe around me, embroidered with golden thread of the hotel's label.

"I'll order some food." She tells me, slippping on her own robe. Even walking was painful. I drag myself back into the bedroom like an old man and sat on the bed.

_**Forget what we're told, before we get too old**_

_**Show me a garden that's bursting into life**_

_**Let's waste time chasing cars…around our heads**_

_**I need your grace to remind me…to find my own**_

_**If I lay here, if I just lay here**_

_**Would you lie with me and just forget the world?**_

While she ordered, I walk towards her and drag my hands along her hips. She let out a small gasp and continued speaking before hanging up just as I massaged between her thighs.

"Christian, no. Not today. You need to rest…" She tells me.

She doesn't want this. She doesn't want me touching her. Maybe she knew what happened…maybe she knew that I threw myself down the stairs to get her attention, to…to get her back in New York with me. Maybe she knew that half the pill bottles she found weren't placebos. That I am, messed up as thought. A million thoughts ran over my head as I swallowed and closed my eyes.

"Christian?"

She turns around and smiles gently, catching me off guard. I sighed in relief and kissed her. She cares about me…she really cares about me.

"Don't leave me, Anastasia Grey."

"I won't." She reassures me, but her smile disappeared, like she didn't expect me to say that.

I opened my mouth to say something, but there was a knock on the door and she walked away, leaving me to ponder with my own thoughts.

_See, Christian Grey? She stopped smiling. Ana doesn't want to be with you. She wants to be with someone better, someone better than your fucked up obsession with her, someone that can pleasure her more than you ever will. You're a pathetic fool. You're a pathetic monster. _

I swallowed and shook my head before walking forward, watching her give the bellboy a twenty dollar tip before shutting the door. She walks over and smiles, admiring the carefully plated strawberries. Grabbing one between her fingers she walks over and feeds me, knowing how much I love it when she does that.

"Good?"

I nod and lean down to kiss her, passing a small piece of strawberry between her lips, an erotic gesture that will surely let her enjoy the romantic night. Hearts and flowers are her strong point. But I saw her frown for a split-second…or was it just my imagination?

"It's like sugar. I should order more of this tomorrow."

"Mm. It is." I smiled as she carries the trays of food to our bed. I love her child-like manners. She can act like a five year old girl, or even a baby, and still would make it seem pleasant. I reach for the champagne bottle, but Ana stops me halfway.

"No alcohol for a month. I don't want you falling again."

_**BANG!**_

Guilt consumes me and I gave her a watery smile before joining her. Will she leave me if she ever found out? What if Taylor tells her? I had my brain bleed for her. There's no way she'll leave me and she said so, it's a promise…right?

"Ana…do you love me?"

Her fingers stopped and she sighed, her posture falling, her eyes closing. She looked as if she was losing a battle; giving up.

"I love you, Christian…even more than you think."

Turning around she moves towards the bedroom, and left the food untouched. I reach my arm out to touch the smooth strands of her hair that slipped away from me, but to no avail, she avoided me like a plague. I watch silently, holding the plate of her favorite treats, silently begging her to at least eat something for me, talk to me, and tell me that she'll never get tired of my constant meddling.

She brushed her hair and washed up before heading to the opposite side of the bed, the side she always slept.

"You're the one always asking questions, Christian. I never have the authority to speak. For tonight…if it isn't too selfish, please leave me alone. Don't talk. Don't look. Don't touch. Just…sleep."

I set the plate down on a table and slipped under the covers. She shuffled out of her robe, facing away, her body furthest from the bed…from me. I did the same but kept my eyes glued on her hourglass shaped body, admiring the way her waist thins before a small mountain of her hips held the sheet onto her body and I loved her even more; if that was even possible. She wasn't just a woman; she was a work of art.

_**Forget what we're told, before we get too old**_

_**Show me a garden that's bursting into life**_

_**All that I am, all that I ever was**_

_**Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see**_

_**I don't know where confused about how as well**_

…_**just know that these things will never change for us at all**_

_**If I lay here, if I just lay here**_

_**Would you lie with me and just forget the world?**_


	24. Author's Note

I am updating this from my iPod right now. Yesterday, my laptop's hard drive crashed and I will not be able to fix it anytime soon. I will try to update chapters on my iPod but there is a possibility that it will be shorter chapters than the ones before since it's difficult to type on this small iPod. I'm sorry everyone.


	25. Chapter 23

**_Here we go. My first iPod update. I can't do anything about the bold or italic letters; i'm just praying for a new computer or maybe a tablet. What should I buy that can let me use microsoft words and update my fanfics? Thanks for reviewing everyone and I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is my first time trying this on an IPod, and I'm just going to go ahead and make this a mini chapter to give some more drama into the story. _**

**_Christian's POV_**

The next morning I felt worse than I felt yesterday. There was a painful ache around my head, and my body is betraying every move I try to make. Ana lead asleep beside me after laying awake the whole night, her thoughts in different universes. My health employee hooked me up to a new IV and I was told to be on bed rest for the whole week; at least. Fuck my life. Pickig up the spoon with my shaky hands, I took the pomegranate seeds in my mouth and thoroughly enjoyed the bittersweet flavor, reminding me so much of the times I made love to Ana during our honeymoon and during night when we fight and make up.

With a soft moan, she woke up from her slumber again for the second time (the first was when I panicked on not being able to get off of bed).

"Good morning, beautiful." I say and kiss her on her forehead. She smiled softly and replied. "Good morning to you too, Christian. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Taylor is helping out with my physical therapy today."

"That's great, baby" she smiles further and slides off the bed, wrapping her delicious naked body in a new red robe that a bellboy delivered earlier today.

"I'll be in the shower. Holler if you need me," she said without turning back and went into the bathroom. I nodded and watch her go, instantly missing her warm body against me, her lips laying on my arm with the weight of her head.

Sighing, I leaned back and closed my eyes, feeling nauseous to the sound of water running and Ana's melodious humming. The medication was wearing off. I wonder if I should be completely honest with Ana. She still loves me, although not as much as all this happened, but I want to treasure the rest of love she has. I need to keep up with this lie to have her by my side. I'm afraid of not being able to wake up to the smell of her hair in the morning, or her soft voice telling me it's time for work when I overslept.

She's my light to everything.

Ana finishes her shower and walks back in fresh and flushed like a virgin goddess, her face content without emotion. Her brown locks falls in beach waves and I watch her dress into a dress. My brows knitted when I see her put on a pair of stilettos.

"Ana, where are you going?" I say, my voice slightly shaking. Is she taking advantage of the situation of my health to escape? No...she wouldn't do that. That's not like Ana. I took a deep breath and told myself to stop overthinking.

"I'm going to go get some breakfast across the street. I need some fresh air. Do you want anything?"

"No...I'm fine," I exhale and relaxed back onto the bed. She smiles and takes her wallet, stuffing it into the small pockets on her dress. The dark blue looked beautiful against her tanned skin.

I wasn't happy at the fact that she didn't order room service and instead, chose to spend her time away from me buying the same quality food from across the street. I carefully grabbed the IV bag and dragged myself to the balcony, forcing my body to obey to my orders. With much effort, I got a view at where Ana was at in a couple minutes. She looked from side to side and crossed the street, dangerously. My eyes narrowed.

She went in the café, and I tapped my feet to every second ticking on the grandfather clock. It's been twenty minutes and she hasn't come out yet. I waited and waited until she marched out of the café with a hunky guy about my age. He was Christopher Kane; CEO of Kane enterprises with architecture and technological companies. Why the hell was he meeting Ana, and what the hell was he doing here in New York?

Ana kisses his cheeks and I feel a pang of jealously in my heart, but knowing that she does it to hundreds of other people before as a greeting. That was nothing to be envious about. I went back to bed just in time to look like I was waiting patiently for her arrival.

**_But I knew...something smells fishy. _**


End file.
